2010-5-16

I am confused again. I'm wandering day and night.

Is it worthy for me, my job? Is it worth of all my effort I paid these years?

Will it be useful for my future?

No. It's not complicated. I'm pretty clear that it's not.

The work I'm doing now has nothing to do with my major, my skill, my knowledges.

I have no advantages on this job than the other people; the people who were much worse than me in their study times, the people who are sooo normal while I consist that I'm special. I'm much smarter and have much more special experience and thought compare to them. But all of these can't help me now.

I am unique. I am different.

I must begin to do something to leave. Get myself ready for the next fight.

The job is worthless, useless, meaningless, and unvalued. The company even postpone the performance bonuses. WTF.

I'm not satisfied about the salary; neither the experiences I could accumulate from it.

OK, I can't see any reason I should stay.

I even HATE this city. Full of bitches. No. Full of whores. It is a huge whore.

Fuck.

2010-4-9

Dear, it has been 8 months since my last blog. Time flies.

Finally, it seens like I would have some positive words this time. Not easy.

I won't say anything crap. What make me feel good since I came back China and start working is the change of my salary: from only ￥3800/month (I admit it's my fault to have only this amount from the beginning) to ￥5000 and now ￥7000/mon. I believe I could have more two months after: I will go to GWT at June. A good birthday gift for myself.

I hopy I can lead a better career, not as my university life. I'm full of that kinda loser thing. That's why I will go to the bookstore for something useful this Sunday.

Another thing. I got my boyfriend. Don't want to say more about this because he's not THE hunsband yet. Waoh~

English is something I must master. Urgent. Again.

09-8-16

OH MY GOODNESS! That idiot's coming for an acting 3?!

Still not enough for yesterday?

09-8-15

It's time to leave. Well, I can't wait to leave, like always.

May be I'm so depressed and always feel so down just because it's the most difficult time in my life?

Or there's no excuse but I'm a loser. Damn! I speak that out |||||

Today morning I have a big fight with mum. Actually, with aunt.

It starts as I misremembered the airline limitation on baggage weight... How stupid! I thought it's 23 LB but it should be 23 KG.

That's it. Then it turned to be a trial on me. Both of them shouted at me for a long while. Especially aunt. She came back for a sermon acting 2.

After shouted back for a few words I gave up. They won't stop unless they relieve their stress. I just listened, waiting for a stop.

It made me so angry all day long.

I havn't been so mad for years... Aunt is soooo annoying! I kown she's not mean to be such a bitch... OK, she is just worry about me and my future and my temper and my attitude and my relationships and my ... everything! I keep telling myself don't say anything bad to her. NO. Don't say anything. She know nothing about me. After all we almost haven't seen each other for 14 years...

WTF she's so confident when judging me of everything!

She know nothing! Only yesterday I felt kinda guilty because I hold back the little secrets of my cousin: they are not good ones. As his mother, my aunt should know.

But now I believe my cousin. He said u just cannot communicate with his mother. She will ask you to be a kid as in the book she read tens of years ago. Nothing can change her mind even for a little bit. And she will never give up to shape u as she want. She can keep annoying u for a hundred years until u follow her words.

Damn it! It's all her fault that make such a little stupid mistake of mine to be a big fight.

After pitch me up, she took my mun to another room to "comfort her". After her comfort mum came out with red eyes: she must have cried.

Oh my! I feel I cant' forgive aunt for a life time! I love mum so much but aunt make her cried for me as it was my fault! Damndamndamn! Fuck u bastard!

I swear my mum is always so proud on me since I was born!

I just cant' understand. Is there any benefit for aunt to do this? If I told her about what my cousin has done, I could probably understand: she can't bear me and my mum are so close in mind.

God I must stop complaining in blog. Nothing helped. Only make me more mad.

08-5-29

Almost forgot I have a blog here..........orz

My final exams finished one week ago, and now I have nothing to do.............

08-4-18

This afternoon I spent about 3 hours to finish the experiment of ECE529.

All by myself.

So now I'm kinda pride of myself ^ ^

Of course there're more assignments and projects waiting to be finished, but i at least do something successfully already...

08-4-11

These days I'm addicted to seiyuu. Yeah, not "a big fun" or something, but "addict"...watched too many vedios, even radios I can hardly understand...

Now it's April~! So many new animes......god, it's not my job or responsibility to watch all new animes, is it?!

There acctually are some stand out of animes in April battle(?!), I list them bellow:

xxxHolic;

雨月;

幻影少年;

純情羅曼史;

And "Gintama" I watch every week.

Too many?!

I agree...OTL

08-4-10

On the end of midterm exams, it's fighting time for projectS and paperS.

Alright, let's do it > <

Yesterday on my way home from lab, I felt a little depressed (and this happened frequency these days...), then I tried to say to myself "I love my work" for several times, just like a charactor did in "the devil wears prada" (sorry I can't recall her name though I acctually likes her very much), then I felt much better?! It works?!! Maybe some kind of 言靈 (^ ^;;) really works...

But I don't think it's a good idea to speak to myself ...= =|||

08-4-5

I hate these days. Depressed but do nothing.

I hate everything I'm working on coz there is more important thing. But this "more important thing" is the one I hate most.

08-4-2

This morning I came to the Office of Graduate Student Affair.

I mean, GOD~! Academic probation?

You must be kidding me!

And the graded ECE407 test paper. I lost 3 points because of a typo?! Plus, a stupid one. For an Electrical course? You think you're the TA of what, literature?

I know this year is my 本命年, but come on~! Should I deserve that bad luck?