Hello, here I am again writing about my life from i-don't-know-when-was-the-last-time-i wrote-here. I wrote this 2 days before I turn 20. Teenage life had me feel different kind of emotions (note: oh and I'm actually writing this while listening to Jinbouc hou Elegy 10-min ver. while feeling sick bc weather has gotten cold lol ) or what they call a roller coaster of emotions. Unlike my past logs here , I won't be too formal and proofread this lol, I just wanna write as whatever's in my mind because I feel like it's what the future me who'll read this would cringe at. I want her to regret writing this lolol. Anyways, I'll leave teenage life without even experiencing teenage love but I'm just glad that at the end as a teen, at least my dream to pursue music is progressing, slowly, but I'm glad I started it, but yeah things aren't always good, even on this field I still feel frustration and I have only felt satisfaction once and then that feeling dissappeared and forgotten what it was like. As I am being active in music, I am also having a hard time trying to find time to draw, so, I am inactive in visual art field and it's making me frustrated. Now while I am writing this, I just realized that the things that should make me happy were just making me frustrated and thinking about that, it also makes me frustrated I don't know what to do anymore. I'm also sad because I wasn't able to send my letter to Shuka last month and even til now,talking about my birthday. I don't know if I should open it again and change the contents of the letter (crying) I don't know how to continue this I just wanna cry I am so broke I wanna eat takoyaki and have Jollibee chickenjoy buckettttttttt.
Actually the other day, asian parents act up again and tell me this and that and recounting favors that they did and I cried because it's what I hate the most, also the reason why I promised to sustain myself whatever needs I have and not to ask any much help. They be telling that it's their responsibility and such and it's ok to rely to them but when they get mad they're suddenly forgot what they said lol I badly want to leave here.
Anyways, enough of these rants, I hope being in my twenties isn't as bad as I am foreseeing tho I know it would be worse since I'll be entering corporate world and adult stuffs that I already started since I'm in a poor family so I have to lol. I hope and pray to God that there may be a great change and I would be able to go to Japan or get commissioned or at least things won't be always frustrating and also get a boyfriend if there's a chance. So many wishes but I know there are only a small percent it'll happen lol life is unfair I just want to live life that isn't as hard as always living in the very least of things, it's not like I' m ungrateful,I mean back then I also wished to become where I am now but like human desire are endless and I think living without worrying financial stuffs would be enough for me at least. I want to eat takoyaki tomorrow after I submit my magazine project that's been destroying my life form for weeks but I don't have enough money I think so it's sad because I can't even make my tummy happy lol.