In spite of it being Christmas I wasn’t very good today. I drove actually to lake Conroe by myself around 10pm and just walked around for a while. I just got home now.
While sounding sort of crazy to do, it was fairly therapeutic. I made a very long voice memo, listened to it over again, and cried actually a lot which was nice, and listened to music for a while.
Before I keep going, I’m sorry I didn’t call..
I do wish I was stronger when I’m low but the fact I put one foot in front of the other is still gonna have to be good for now.
I plan on live streaming on YouTube soon. It would be me just being productive. Not sure if it will be on my main account or a secret alt I wont share w literally anyone. I am trying to create a setting where I do things. I’m also trying to build my confidence with my face. I feel incredibly ugly and bad about myself for a lot of reasons I won’t go into. I don’t think I’ve felt this bad about myself since before I had chest surgery lol.
Anyways I will finally do a haircut tomorrow. I need to try to work on myself. I want to fast more and walk and do pushups. Yeah. Idk. For some reason the blog site won’t work on my laptop so I’m on the app on my phone. It’s really annoying to blog like this. I’ll probably blog ASAP when the site on my laptop is working again.
Below are random pics I took of myself in the last month. When I see me in a photo, I’ve always struggled to face it. When I look at these photos, for some reason the first thing I think is “what an ugly thing”, I wish I could feel differently about myself..
I plan on blogging later. This post is not the most positive, I just had a bad day I think. I’m really not always like this. Plus I’m so nauseous right now
