I'm barely writing here, since I have my Livejournal for the long and deep entries, which I need less and less - or rather find less and less time for.
Yet I feel like dropping some lines here today, when I saw that the last time I wrote was in July.
Many things have changed since then: I've started the career and successfully managed to survive the first 3months (almost) by now. I still manage to work in the bakery I used to work in, every Saturday now. I attend school, since it's normal to have school + work during apprenticeships in Germany.
The first 2 exams are around the corner by tomorrow.
Another one on Monday. 4 at Friday 2nd of November.
I'm practically really drowning in stuff to do.
And this leaves me with no will nor motivation to really do a lot for Fade lately.
I'm glad my dear Ka-No-Uta is working hard as a second Admin for the German ST now, but I still feel guilty and like a totally irresponsible person considering my lack of enthusiasm and will to work.
Looking back at the blogposts from July or before I don't see myself anymore.
Too many things have changed.
I have changed. A lot.
What didn't change though is, that I keep wondering how to continue walking.
And where my path will lead me.
Life has become a constant struggle.
I am tired.