ok so i was at this one person's house with my friend and we were outside and she told me it was time to go to the event and i was like 'oh right!' but i didn't have my shoes on, idek why i had on socks outside they were prob so dirty, so then i told her to wait for me as i go inside to get my shoes and when i turned around i realized i couldn't get up on the porch...because it had no steps to get up onto it because the ppl living there still had to make steps to their porch lmao idk why but it was a high porch and apparently jhope was on the edge of it, tying the laces of his boots on. i was watching myself and i was like 'wth is he doing here?!?!!?' but the me in the dream just knew he was hoseok (and like not an idol or anything like that) and since he was the only one there i asked if he could give me a hand so i could get up there to grab my shoes and put them on and he just said 'sure' so fast and gave me his hand and i did too and he pulled me up so easily and then thanked him and went inside to put on my shoes, i came back out with my shoes on and went with my friend to the event. it was in a huge area with lots of things going on.

after awhile of being there i saw jhope but didn't think much of it, then later my friend said she had to go home so i was like okay and since she had already left i decided to leave too. i was on my way to the doorway and this one guy who i used to go to school with came up to me and talked to me that it's been a long time and how i've been doing and stuff and i told him i was fine, etc. and he said he has a friend who likes me and i was just laughing but then the next thing he was gone and jhope came outta nowhere like tf! and i wasnt nervous or scared or anything i just didn't know what to say to him so i just continued on my way out the door and he came after me asking if we could walk home together since we lived in the same area and even tho i didnt know him i just said okay.

it was a short walk and we reached his house before mine. mine was a bit farther down the road. his mom was outside and she saw me with him that she invited me in and i rejected nicely the first time but then she kept trying so i just came inside. i didnt even tell her who i was but she was all saying how she's so glad she finally met me and was bringing me snacks and stuff as i just sat on the couch lmao and jhope went off to his room i guess, and then his mom asked if i liked her son and i was like OH NOOO i dont even know him and stuff and that i just knew his name and ended up walking home together and then she a box full of diff kinds of hair pins and clips, so many colors i didnt know what to pick since she told me to pick one, they were all really pretty and then she told me that her son likes me and that he made all the pins for me and i said laughed, 'nahhhh.' and then i woke up
Yeah I do feel like going away but I just don't know.



There's just a lot i wanna do but i don't know how i'm going to get there.






I'm not good at things nor am i a nice human being as people may think....

i really do feel like i don't belong specifically when i really think about it.



Or at least that seems like the answer i get.





I just do these things to pass time..and it's going nowhere.

The people i know or have met are doing so many things and i feel so different.


Yes we all have our own lives but still i feel like i'm the only one feeling this way

i get mad and sad at the littlest things and that's so stupid.



and no one seems to ask or care or i don't know.

I know there are a few who probably do, but urgh, i just really...i don't know.




my life is rly just a BIG IDK.





i guess i didn't write it here??



but it was a dream with sehun in it...and it was some time ago








i was cooking and i was stirring the food and sehun comes up beside me

and was talking to me but i was just focused on the food and nodding going


mm-hmm and stuff and not really responding back to him so he got angry




i wasn't paying attention and so he came closer to make his face in front of mines

and i got startled and looked up at him, making eye contact then he freakin'




EYE SMILED !! えっ



and then he got happy because i finally gave him attention





and yeah...