My half-baked idea is treacherous, but I always cannot be down-to-earth. That's why I often fail.
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Sometimes loneliness occupies my mind. I feel numb and can't do anything then. If I keenly feel lonely, I can call or see my favorite friends to have a good time, but it gets control over me without any predictor very quietly. Right after I notice that, I must get back the control somehow on my own. Otherwise, I end up wasting lots of time. I have no time to waste now.
My isolation is absolutely my choice. I am still learning how to handle it.
My isolation is absolutely my choice. I am still learning how to handle it.
A polestar gives us a direction and some comfort, and therefore we tend to admire something to obtain sense of value, sometimes to the fanatic extend. We should think better of the polestar on a timely basis. Euphoria in total adoration universally attracts us, but the shining star up in the sky might be an illusion. Although some people want to devote everything to the illusion, I believe that we can utilize a polestar just as a temporary guide to go on in the reality.
Your rather superficial attitude is your gemutlichkeit. This distance between us is a requisite for our long-term friendship, and it never means an insinuation of detachment. It is engraved deep in my mind. I miss you.
I believe that sincerity is the most important element in human relationships. We would assume that others don't really notice our lack of sincerity, but the reality is opposite. To make things worse, they don't tell us it and just disappear. We must know it.
I am feeling irritated now. My mother often lacks sense of morals, and that bothers me a lot.
However, I come to think of it, she wouldn't have survived if she was bothered by her own choices caused by her lack of morals.
Certainly, she is just a weak woman who couldn't get any opportunity to have her own ethical/logical/appropriate thoughts that allow her to build constractive relationship with others. She could have neither supports from her patents nor many options in her life. So I shouldn't blame her, at all. I knew it, but I sometimes can't stand her crazy sayings. . .
She is my mother. I like her very much, of course. Although her ways are often wrong or ineffective, she always wants me to be more and more educated. Lately I've got some logical thoughts, but that is what she gave me indirectly.
I am going to say sorry to her for my irritation.
However, I come to think of it, she wouldn't have survived if she was bothered by her own choices caused by her lack of morals.
Certainly, she is just a weak woman who couldn't get any opportunity to have her own ethical/logical/appropriate thoughts that allow her to build constractive relationship with others. She could have neither supports from her patents nor many options in her life. So I shouldn't blame her, at all. I knew it, but I sometimes can't stand her crazy sayings. . .
She is my mother. I like her very much, of course. Although her ways are often wrong or ineffective, she always wants me to be more and more educated. Lately I've got some logical thoughts, but that is what she gave me indirectly.
I am going to say sorry to her for my irritation.
When I am tired, I think about bad memories in my past over and over again, including my past friends.
I tend to put up with bad attitudes of my friends because that may be my misunderstanding and I would make them experience the same thing. However, I can't give up friends until they clearly and intentionally do heartless and thoughtless acts to me. I know I am stupid enough to try to be nice until the very end of friendship, but better to be hurt than hurt someone. Also, it's always difficult to know when a supposed-to-be-friend of mine wants to end friendship with
me.
Anyway, I must be just tired now, taking care of my family. Friends come and go all the time. That's why my old friends are precious to me.
I tend to put up with bad attitudes of my friends because that may be my misunderstanding and I would make them experience the same thing. However, I can't give up friends until they clearly and intentionally do heartless and thoughtless acts to me. I know I am stupid enough to try to be nice until the very end of friendship, but better to be hurt than hurt someone. Also, it's always difficult to know when a supposed-to-be-friend of mine wants to end friendship with
me.
Anyway, I must be just tired now, taking care of my family. Friends come and go all the time. That's why my old friends are precious to me.
I can't believe that someone still occasionally reads my blog because I haven't posted any new entry since 2008. Yes, the last entry was 2008! I've experienced too many things since then. I somehow survived. . . It was quite a hard time. I am much happier now.
OK, I will try to continue to write here from now on. I am pretty sure that any of my friends won't see this blog anymore, so I don't have to update this blog regularly. ;) Anyway, I will try to do my best. Thank you for reading.
OK, I will try to continue to write here from now on. I am pretty sure that any of my friends won't see this blog anymore, so I don't have to update this blog regularly. ;) Anyway, I will try to do my best. Thank you for reading.
My friend and I went to a play in Shiodome, Tokyo. It was pretty good. I really want to watch more plays if possible. When I go to Shiodome, I eat Tsujiri's green tea parfait.
I enjoyed the Nagoya's famous eel dish in Nagoya. 
I don't really miss home, but I missed Japanese cultures including foods when I was in America.
What I recently think of is that I am still learning a lot of things even after I became a grown-up.
I don't really miss home, but I missed Japanese cultures including foods when I was in America.
What I recently think of is that I am still learning a lot of things even after I became a grown-up.