Z for "zip code"

Finally, I have come to the letter "Z"! My project of writing journals on the topics that start from each alphabet is now completed. What comes next? Well, probably I'll start again from "A".

It's steaming hot and humid in Tokyo. I heard it's still very cool in Vancouver. I know it's not normal and global warming affects negatively on our climate, but still, I wish I were in cool Vancouver! I've escaped from this harsh heat for four summers and was afraid of experiencing it again. And now, I'm barely surviving....

Writing the name, address, and zip code, I sealed the envelope that has a little gift for my sweetheart. It's nothing expensive, but just something. I don't mean to make it a regular habit, but I'm just having fun sending a very small care package approximately once a month. I used to write to my friends a lot, so it reminds me of my old enjoyment. I don't expect him to write me back. We are in touch via the Internet, so we know how we are. I don't give him the notice that I have sent something to him. It's a surprise. Hope he likes it.

X for "eXpectation"

I cheated. It's not easy to find a word that starts from X, so I used the word that HAS X in it.

I couldn't believe that I remembered the date of IELTS test wrong. It was 17th, not 31st, that means less than two weeks from now! I need to do very well on that test. But as usual, I don't like to study... No, wrong word, I'm not good at preparing for the exam at home. If I started, it might be interesting, but that's the difficult part. Anyway, I'll do my best. I used this test as an excuse of not doing any research on immigration. In fact, it's really depressing to know how bad my position is, and there are so many uncertain things that I can't judge. I need help from an expert.

More I think about my future, more I get pessimistic. I know it's not right and it's VERY selfish to depend on a trusty friend just to make my situation better, but almost certainly, I will need help from a Canadian spouse. But who can I count on? Of course I want to count on my boyfriend, but I'm not sure if that's what he wants. I don't think I desire marriage only because I want the means of immigration. I felt that I have finally found someone and it's time for me to take another step of my life to move forward. It's really hard for me to see my friends' wedding pictures. When will my turn come? Why romance is always so, so difficult for me? Or is it the same for everyone and they know how to deal with it? I feel like I'm always out of luck when it comes to serious relationship. Is my expectation toward my life too high?

From who I care, I would like encouragement, sweet words, and the interest about how we can be together sooner. But he's experiencing another, yes, on top of many he's already had in his life, difficult situation right now, and the most terrible thing is my being so selfish that I lose the relationship.

Just like keeping a leash on a violent dog, I push my emotion down so that it won't defeat my sense. If I'm not careful, I will fall in the idea, "I can't stand living in this country any more!", and I will refuse to face the reality. It's been three months since I came back. I'm too much in love with my life I used to have in Vancouver.

W for "Without Knowing"

I was surprised how impatient I was. I remember that I used to be very patient and persistent, and school teachers gave me compliments on that. However, these days, I can't even easily commit myself to watch a DVD. (I'm not as bad as watching fast-forwarding movies with subtitles like people did in "Microsurfs".) According to my mom, I started to become short-tempered when I became independent, means to live alone in a foreign country. Without knowing, I have become such an irritable person. My life is supposed to be last until in my 90s (that's my belief), so I should be more relaxed and less stressed. Otherwise, my middle-aged and aged life will be miserable!

V for "Vacation"

It was tempting to put the title "Vancouver", but that's not the main topic of today's journal. I'll write about this unpleasantly long vacation which I'm having. This is called "unemployed". I'm tired of hanging out at home or my neighbourhood. That makes me feel useless and depressed. I wish I could fly to Vancouver right away. I don't know how he's feeling now, but I really miss my boyfriend these days. Skype conversations are not enough. We ended up running out of things to talk about since each of us is spending boring days. It's very hard not to worry about us. If I start working, I'll definitely feel much better since my job will take my mind of from useless worries.

I'm a lazy job seeker, but I have started something new since I got into this vacation. I started to study French for my 4th? 5th? time. The first time I learned French was in university. I took French classes for two years, but I couldn't even remember the conjugation of "etre" and "avoir". Even after I graduated, I tried a few times, but always gave up after the first month or so. This time, just like always, I'm studying with a radio program. Thanks to the Internet, I can listen to the lessons of the previous week when I missed some of them. I like the program so far. It's never easy, but this time, the contents are much more approachable. I like the teachers who carry on the lessons. Let's see how far I can go.
The other thing that I started up is playing the guitar. My dad has two acoustic guitars and has abandoned them for more than 10 years. I always wished to do some music with J, but never came true, so I started to teach myself how to play it. It's very interesting but SO difficult. In the first week, my fingers hurt so bad and I even felt numb in the fingertips. But now, I have a thin shells on my fingertips and don't hurt any more. I can't play any songs yet, but I try to practice every day even 5 minutes. Just like the Kung-Fu episode that J told me, you should keep doing even little by little. That will produce the result some day.

Tomorrow, I'll go to register for a personnel company. They will connect me to some company which my experience might be useful to work. One step at a time. Just never give up.

U for "unique gadget"

I've been writing about my inner thoughts and complaints about my daily life, but today, let's talk about something not at all related to my present situation.

These days, I suddenly became interested in Kindle. I don't know why this name came up to my mind, but I remember that I have seen the commercial in Canada. However, I have never seen anyone using that device in our real life. Once I start to think about a new electronic, I can't stop thinking about it. So I did some research on it.

-First, Kindle is available only through American Amazon.
-Second, Kindle is only capable of showing English. (and available contents are of course only in English.)
-Third, Kindle's screen is black and white, not like iPad. (and not touch-censored like iPad.)

Surprisingly, there are more people in Japan than I expected who found Kindle very useful. I didn't know there was need for English newspapers and books for Japanese business people. I thought that this machine would solve my problem that foreign paperbacks won't fit in my bags, and it would. But the real problem is, if I really read that much. I'm a slow (and lazy) reader. It's actually more than enough for to have a paperback for 6 months! Kindle costs about $250. Obviously, I don't need it. (and it's kind of nice to feel the pages of the books and collect books in your bookshelf.)

BUT.
I'm very attracted by this cool and futuristic book! Does anyone have it? Can I play with it for a little??