T for "trust"

Two weeks have passed, and I'm getting used to the idea or settling down this country for a while. But it's of course hard to see someone you like only on the computer display. Even though I can talk and see him via Skype, I have no control over what he's doing and can't sense what he's thinking. Time to time, I miss Vancouver so much. When I think about somewhere to go, I sometimes confuse which city I'm in. I miss the independence and freedom. This place, as I really well knew, is very boring. Citycentre is far away, and it's also too busy to hang around.

Being apart makes me anxious. But I realized what I can do. I must spend/waste no time worrying. I must start working hard and step forward. Because that leads me to the place I want to go back again. My laziness makes me less and less appealing Making effort is one of the ways to show that how important he is to me and I'm matured enough to carry my own living on my back..

I should be old enough to deal with my life on my own, but I'm still so stupid. I need a good insight into how to construct my lifetime career, but I don't really want to what my parents think the best for me.

I used to think that relationship just happens. And if our situations or requests don't match, it won't work and should be finished right away. But now I know that we are supposed to MAKE it work. And of course, if you are willing to toil to make it work, that's the person you should be with.

S for "start over"

So, I'm back. My hometown hasn't changed much in a year.
Again, I'm looking for a job. This time, I want to have a full-time position with decent benefits. Of course I'm desperate to go back to Canada as soon as possible, but since it won't happen tomorrow, I have to think about establishing my living basis here. Considering my age, it's embarrassing to live with parents without paying any money. My dad, of course, doesn't think it good. I really feel like running away.

R for "relationship"

Spring break!!
Even though I regularly work only 9 hours a week, break is such a precious thing. I have a whole week off. On the weekend, I went to Gabriola Island for my 5th visit. It was COLD, but very nice. I walked to the beach and heard sea lions. I saw an eagle and an otter. The book I borrowed from my friend entertained me a lot, it even kept me awake till late at night. That motivated me to write again. It's Thursday, so I have another 4 days to go. Ah, break always feels so short.

It seems that it's time for me to go back to Japan again. But this time, my relationship situation is more serious than before. OK, I had somebody last time I went back, but he wanted to break up with me since there was no way that he could manage a distance relationship. Now, I'm with a different person who also doesn't like the idea of not seeing for a long time. (Well, who likes long-distance dating anyway?) The thing is, both of us have a feeling that we are meant to be each other. We've been dating just for a short time, but things are going pretty well. Considering each of our past experience, this is not just a casual instinct. Then, what could I do?

The reason why I'm thinking about immigrating to this country is because of my job. This matter came up later. But anyway, I don't have a sponsor here who can obtain a work permit for me, so I have to find a way by myself. I met an immigration agent yesterday and he said I should go back to Japan to gain a year of job experience in a specific field so that I'm eligible to apply as one of PNP occupations. All right, that sound reasonable. But what can I do about my boyfriend?? When a couple is apart, especially in different countries, long-distant relationship is hard, painful, and wont' work in many, many cases. In my case it's worse because I don't have a set date that I can be qualified for skilled worker and come back to Canada. Time is ticking and I have a big decision to make.

Q for "quiet"

Even though the water is said to be very dirty and toxic, I like to walk around False Creek. Last night, I felt like going for a walk. I used to take a walk around the Creek very often, but I hadn't done it for a long time. Then I realized that I had missed whole summer by the ocean since I lived in crazy, yet interesting, neighbourhood instead. That made me suddenly sad. Will I be able to enjoy this night walk in summer again? My deadline is coming close. I have to take an action, but I still can't tell what the best way is for me.

The seawall around False Creek is very popular for jogging and walking. But at night, there are only a few people, and you can enjoy the sparkling scenery of Downtown and the marina. In this season, yachts in the marina are decorated with Christmas lights, and their reflection on the water is very beautiful. That quiet surrounding was perfect for me to organize my thoughts.

Cherry blossoms in the yard, don't bloom yet. I don't want to leave here. This mild winter weather, bring me snow and shivering wind. I don't want spring to come yet. Only I myself can make things better for me. That's the most important thing that I learned here. But I always expect someone to help me.... Well, no one will unless I start to make a move.

P for "Peaceful Mind"

My state of mind is far from "peaceful" right now. I'm haunted with weird anxiety and cannot get rid of it. But only one good thing is that I finished today's class.

I'm glad that I made through the first class. I've been nervous since yesterday morning. My landlady, who has a similar job, said she used to have the nervousness, but she has already overcome that feeling long ago. Of course, she's a VERY experienced instructor. My new students looked a bit suspicious when they found out I was their teacher, but on the whole, they are nice people. I strongly think that the reason why I like this job is I can feel, not always but often,that I'm liked by students. Everyday, I have to face my lack of experience and skills, but in my second year of teaching, the situation is really getting better than my first year. I used to feel too nervous to sleep the day before I was supposed to sub for somebody, but now I'm not so scared and learned to enjoy. I'm glad that I'm finally getting something that I can continue throughout my lifetime.

Well, I just want my feeling to be tamed and peaceful tonight. I'm eager to do something, but I don't know what. Is it called being "discombobulated"?