what do you do when you are lonely and empty?
when you are so empty that you can't even fall asleep?
i fill myself with virtual lies.
lots of lies to the point where i almost want to puke.
i fall in love.
that's how i lie to my emptiness. you know women can get pseudo-pregnancies.
kind of like that. you trick yourself into that hot dreamy feel of love. an early, premature love.
that's how you survive your emptiness.
making up events
falling in love
just so you can kill time
fun it is
but is it real?
pulling his leg
starting up fights
just so you have something to think about
i'm such a liar
have you ever felt like you are stuck in a gutter and not going anywhere?
have you ever felt like you are forgotten from the rest of the world, and lost all your interests in whatever you liked doing?
this is my year off, which is supposed to be relaxing. it also happens to be my in-between year before i apply and make it to grad school. studying alone, sometimes i don't see anyone except my family. sometimes i work all day and see all sorts of people, but i meet no one that have the same sort of goals as me.
i know i'm extremely lucky to have a house, a warm family, everything.
but i just feel so heavy all over and
feel myself sinking deep.
deep into the dark sea.
and i know i'm stupid for not doing anything.
and i know what i am supposed to be doing.
help.
i want to be alone
but i don't want to be forgotten.
i don't want any questions asked.
i'm sinking
