you never existed

maybe we were too young

maybe we were too into each other

maybe we were too ignorant

we were together forever

and it hurts

like i have burned the surface of my face

my head and heart

do not agree

my head says it's over

my heart says no

and my hand

took out his heart

grasping it with sharp fingers

and threw it hard onto the floor

and my feet

stamped on it

over and over

and we cried

until our faces fell off

and salty liquid dripped off

our noses

and our eyes

bled and ached

i could not hang up

for that meant

the end of his life

because it would

cut him out

of my life

forever

my last words

he heard

asked him to hang up

and we are

forever strangers

back to nothingness

after so many days and hours

of feeling meaningful together

he and i

are nothing

like we never existed

when love ends

why is it

that when love begins

you want to spend every minute of your day

immersed in it?

you wish you drown in it

but as soon as it ends

you wish it never happened

that he never existed

that you two should have never

been together at the first point

and at the same time

you feel the presence of an absence

that you will never be able to fill

with replacements and rebounds

you just lost a bestfriend

who you labled

not worthy of existence in your heart

it's all your fault

it was up to you to start it

you should have never started it if you are afraid of losing it

i know

and still, i am repeating it like i never learned anything

from hurting both of us the previous time

cameleon

i am mad at you

mad at you for copying me

saying yes and believing everything i said

you are so honest, so pure, so colourless.

you got dyed in my colours so fast

you thought i was right

so right that it was safe

to be in sync with me

you tricked me

into falling in love with someone

who i thought have the same mind as i do

but it was all lies

you are cameleon

those colours we see

are not your own

but after all,

you are only cameleon

your colour was skin-deep

your shape unchanged

in the end

the wall colour was deceived

into believing that

someone at last agreed with it

that warm colour the wall colour kept seeing for the past 5 years

has that been skin-deep?

then she should be mad at you