I’ve travelled all over the world, from New York to Cape Town, Rio de Janeiro to Tokyo. I’ve had the privilege of working with brilliant minds.A few years ago I learned French, and mastered the language well enoughto speak in horrible slang with a fully authentic accent. I bought myfirst house not even 72 hours after my first ever house-shoppingexpedition, and only hours before I was due on a plane to Australia.
But the single most exhilarating thing I’ve ever done was to make a habit of talking to strangers.
Nothinghas changed my world view, and my life, more than taking the risk ofsaying “Hi” to people I don’t know on a regular basis. Whether I’mwalking down a busy shopping street, longboarding in the park, or outat a nightclub, I see every moment that I’m out in the world as achance to meet new people.
How to Become a Social Skydiver
Ican’t help but geek out on almost everything I do. Dating,relationships, and social circle building are no exception. I set goalsin those areas and take action to achieve them. Here’s the recipe I usefor bringing new people into my life, whether it’s making new friendsaround common interests, meeting women, or making business contacts.
- Figure out what you want.What kind of social life do you want? What kind of people do you wantto meet? Do you want a serious girlfriend or something more casual?Knowing what you want helps you focus on spending your social time inproductive ways.
- Smallchunk it. Start withsmaller daily or weekly goals to propel you in the right direction. Forexample, a few years ago I decided to give up online dating forever,and meet girls only through real world means. I started by going outand just making eye contact with girls in the street, too shy to evenopen my mouth. I worked my way up to deeper interactions in varioussocial situations. These days, I can go from no love life whatsoever todating in a week or two.
- Let go of your ego.I’ve been told to “Fuck off!” I’ve been ignored. I’ve been brushed offin dramatic fashion. I’ve also met and dated women of unique vintageand beauty. When you take the risk of talking to someone you don’tknow, rejection is the only certainty. But failure is exciting–it’s achance to learn and improve. There’s a name for guys who never getrejected by women, never say the wrong thing, and never have their egobruised by the opposite sex: Internet Porn Connaisseurs.
- Get out of your house!Don’t spend months trying to get past step #1. Even if you’re not sureexactly what you want, get out of your house and start opening up tothe world. Motivation follows action, and experience will help informyour objectives.
How to Approach People
I preferto keep my conversations fairly organic. I don’t like coming in with“canned material”, “nuclear attraction” routines, or other socialrobotics. The best way, in my experience, is to come from the heart andlive fully in the moment.
What you say isn’t nearly as important as how you say it. Socializing is about exchanging energy, not being a wordsmith. When in doubt, just say “Hi”.
Ifyou’ve never done this before, you may get brushed off several, evendozens of times until you get really comfortable being yourself infront of other people. Attractive women are highly socialized. A girlcan sense your nervousness and anticipated rejection, and will take noprisoners when shooting you down.
That’s okay. It’s normal. Patyourself on the back for having the balls to do what 95% of men aroundthe world couldn’t do if their life depended on it. Then move on to thenext one.
What I’ve Learned from Talking to Strangers
Talkingto strangers has, literally, changed my world view and my life. It’staught me so many things that I could never have learned from a book.Here’s what I’ve taken away from my experiences thus far:
- People don’t bite.A lot of people are really open to conversation. In fact, you’d beamazed at how many girls will be practically overjoyed that you cameand talked to them, as if they’ve been waiting for you to approach them.
- Rejection is no big deal. I can’t repeat this enough. Still, fear of rejection will be the main reason why guys don’t go out and try this. If you are willing to get rejected , brush it off and keep going, you will have an awesome sex life. Period.
- Authenticity is the silver bullet.An honest individuality is the most magnetic of human qualities. Butkeep in mind that buying a girl a drink and showering her withcompliments is not being sweetly authentic; it’s saying “I want tosleep with you.”
- The people around you aren’t watching. And, even when they are, it’s usually in shock and awe, rather than because they’re laughing at you.
- Other guys will get out of your way. You’ll be amazed how often other guys simply fade into the background when you approach their female friends.
I could go on, but ultimately it comes down to you experiencing it for yourself.
One Approach a Day
Ifyou’re still terrified by the idea of talking to strangers, I’drecommend one specific challenge to get you started, which I’ve donemyself: Talk to one stranger a day , every day, for 30 days.
Ifyou’re walking past a girl on the sidewalk, say “Hi”, and she looks atyou and keeps walking (done that many times), your job is done for theday. If you walk up to a girl in a club and say “Hey!”, and sheresponds, with a slightly grossed out look “I have a boyfriend.”,congratulations, you’re one step closer to improving your love life.The point of this exercise is to get you used to talking to people youdon’t know and form the habit of being more social.
Talking tostrangers will change your life. You’ll meet new people every day,you’ll give yourself control over your social and love life, and you’llexperience firsthand the joy of living dangerously.