Okay so this stupid gnat has bitten me...right on the eyelid. When i woke up this morning and looked in the mirror i almost collapsed. I can't even open my eye.And i look so ugly,really...like a monster/beast/gnom whatever. The only positive thing is, that i don't have to go to work. I hope it goes away until sunday, i can't go to Dir en Grey with that swollen eyelid...oh why me?
Looks like it's going to be a long night again. Today's work is going to be the human brain. It's very complicated, one of the hardest things to study. I don't get how to neurons are connected with each other and how they function and ugh...it's so bothersome.
But across my studying i found some interesting facts:
1. The brain is made up of 75% water 2. There are no pain receptors in your brain, so it can't feel any pain. 3. The brain consists about 100 billion neurons. 4. Every time you recall a memory or have a new thought, you are creating a new connection in your brain. 5. While awake, your brain generates between 10 and 23 watts of power, enough energy to power a light bulb.
That's awesome.
Today was rainy and cold and i spend half of the day lying in my bed and doing nothing. I hate sundays, they're always boring. Okay,that's it for now, i'm going back to my brains.
I'm alive. Well more or less. I was very busy, so i didn't had the time to update. It's going to be very stressful, 'cause i have to work again next week. And the worst thing is that my teacher is going to visit me at work.. Not only this, she also is going to mark a few things: 1. medical evidence of a patient 2. treatment plan 3. therapy
Ugh,i don't want to. Anyway, i'm kind of pissed at the moment. Some friends of mine are in Japan right now and i wanted them to buy me a few CD's. Well,no.Seems like i don't get anything, because they can't find any of them. Seriously...they are in Japan. WHY CAN'T THEY FIND SOME CDS OF JAPANESE BANDS? I don't even understand. =_= But i really want them I bet i don't even get something else I would lie if i say i'm not jealous. Like.. really jealous. And they've been to a few days of PSC Carnival 7 days. And going to a Lycaon Live. And LuLu. In the past years i've seen so many people i know going to a trip to Japan, while i'm sitting here. I WANT TO VISIT JAPAN TOO. Why can't i? Because i'm stuck in this little village, in my little hospital and/or medical office. I'm going to stuck in there forever, i see it. Looks like a force doesn't want me to be happy and/or do stuff that MAKES me actually happy. I don't have the time to do things i like, i'm bounded to my books. I really like to read but the only books i'm reading are stupid medical books. I don't even have the time to bake anymore, to draw or to do something with friends. First, i don't even have ONE friend..sure, i have friends in my class but those are only these superficial friendships where you only talk about random stuff or school related things. No deep conversations. I don't have anybody around to really i mean, REALLY talk to. Someone i could call when i feel bad or someone i can go shopping with...this kind of things.I'm lacking of social contacts..not really since i have patients everyday and other doctors around me but...ugh. It made me bitter. I really feel gloomy and depressed. And only because my mother decided to move to the other end of germany. I had a good life back then, now i only exist. I don't feel like i actually live. And the more i think about my situation the worse i feel. Well,i can't change it anymore. I guess i have to go through this shit, until i've finished all this shit here & then i decide where to go, what to do...
Woah, i've written so much. But i just had to write my feelings down. I feel a little bit better now. I'm going to watch a cheesy romance movie now and eat chocolate. Yeah, sounds good to me.
Lately i can't sleep well. Yesterday i fell 20 minutes before 5 am asleep again. It's the 6th day of lacking sleep. I'm already walking around like a Zombie...
What should i do?
And i feel like crap. I have this desperate feeling to break down and throw all the stuff in my room around. Why is this shit happening?
My vacation plans are cancelled. I have to work tomorrow at the medical office..
AND I THOUGHT I HAD 3 WEEKS FREE. My ass.
Seriously, when i don't even have time to relaxe & the new term beginns i'm so going to have a breakdown. I NEED freetime. I so need it. A few days ago i was at my mothers computer to download something about the abdomen and i forgot to print it out and left it on her desktop. So she came to my room and asked: "Did you downloaded something?" Me: "No.." She: "Well theres some file called abdomen." Me: "I don't know what you mean." She: "What does abdomen even mean?" Me: "I told you i don't know what the hell abdomen is, leave me alone."
So she decided to show me the file and i was like: "Oooops. That's my file about the abdominal wall. I'm sorry." (笑)
Seriously, i'm so confused and don't even know what i have done or what's going on. I need vacation.
P.S and because i have to work i can't go to see Gackt-san in Cologne.
