理解に困るのですが、僕が召喚された？二次元の地球ではお菓子…特に甘いお菓子が呪われていました。僕は甘味はそんなに好きでは無いのですが、この世界の住人の殆どは甘いお菓子が好きで守護霊の様な絶対的に管理する存在によって、思いっきり食べられない様なのです。
そして謎のテロリストによって甘いお菓子が略奪される事は多々あることの様でした。しかも盗み方が狡いと僕は感じています。まるで持ち主が気が付かないor手出しが出来なければ好きなだけ甘味を略奪すると言う感じした。お菓子を食べる人間の体の一部分だけ入れ替わってお菓子を味わったり、お菓子の糖分だけを抽出して食い逃げしたりして、僕からすれば犯人は殺人犯レベルの狂気の沙汰です。どれだけバレない様に甘いものを食べたいんだって思いますね。何故、多くの人がそれだけの熱意を持って甘味に関する事で世の中を変えようとしないのか良く分かりません。
そして不思議な事に豆菓子を食べると苦しくなる存在が多く餡を使う和菓子が被害が少ないので人気ですね。洋菓子は結構盗まれるのですが和菓子はそうでも無いのです。それで僕は新たなアルバイトを探していたので、何か安全性を求めて気軽に和菓子店の面接を受けたのでした。僕の本名は痛ネームですが和菓子店には日本人であると説明したら何故か書類選考を通りました。そしたら日本人狩りの理解し難い殺意ある霊団がやって来て面接を霊的に荒らしたのです。そして和菓子を食べたい大量の死霊が僕に取り憑いて、後日、僕は体調不良になってしまい寝込む事になってしまいました。
なんと安全であると思われた和菓子は専門店で買うと危険の様でした。僕が面接を受けたのは全国を管理している本店の本社で本当に和菓子を狙った恐ろしい死霊がたむろして和菓子を狙っていました。洋菓子を狙う存在とは全く違うタイプの存在でした。怖いですね。僕は甘いお菓子はスーパーなどの量販店で買うのが吉だと思います。
I find it difficult to make sense of this, but on the two-dimensional Earth I was summoned to—or so it seemed—sweets, especially sugary ones, were cursed. I’m not particularly fond of sweets myself, but most of the inhabitants of this world apparently love them. Yet they seem to be prevented from eating as much as they want by guardian-spirit-like beings that have absolute control over them.
And apparently, sweet sweets are frequently looted by mysterious terrorists. I find the way they steal them particularly devious. It felt as though they would take as much sweetness as they wanted whenever the owner failed to notice or was unable to intervene. They would replace only part of the body of the person eating the sweets and enjoy the taste through it, or extract only the sugar from the sweets and run away without paying. From my perspective, the perpetrators were acting with a level of madness comparable to murderers. I kept thinking, “Just how badly do you want to eat something sweet without getting caught?” What I really don’t understand is why so many people have that much passion for sweets, yet don’t try to change the world over it.
Strangely enough, there seemed to be many beings who became sick or distressed when they ate bean-based sweets, while Japanese sweets made with anko (sweet red bean paste) suffered relatively little damage and were therefore quite popular. Western-style pastries and desserts were stolen fairly often, whereas Japanese sweets were not targeted nearly as much.
So, since I was looking for a new part-time job, I decided to casually apply for an interview at a Japanese sweets shop, thinking it would be a safer option. My real name is what you might call an unusually embarrassing “cringe name,” but when I explained to the shop that I was Japanese, I somehow passed the document screening.
Then, an incomprehensible and murderous group of spirits hunting Japanese people appeared and spiritually disrupted my interview. On top of that, a huge number of dead spirits who wanted to eat Japanese sweets attached themselves to me. As a result, I became physically unwell afterward and ended up bedridden.
It turned out that Japanese sweets, which I had assumed were relatively safe, were actually dangerous when purchased from specialty shops. The place where I had my interview was the headquarters of the main company that manages stores nationwide, and apparently terrifying dead spirits specifically targeting Japanese sweets were lurking there. They were completely different from the entities that targeted Western-style sweets.
Pretty scary.
For my part, I think it’s probably best to buy sweet treats from supermarkets and other mass-market retailers.