Its true if people says every mundane has its own side that no one ever sees. Its where lies the truth of the person's life. Its a little secret; the untold story that meant to be unspoken forever.
Its the same goes to me, I have my own untold story. I kept it hidden beneath my eyes. I buried it deep down into my soul. I never tell anyone about my secrets; about who I really am. What I ever experienced in my whole life. I kept it as a little secrets because I have no one that I can trust in my life. I found no trusted person ever exist on earth.Its a story about my life. Its about what makes me the way who I am now. The story that sucken my whole life; made me this thin. Its eaten my soul; its conquered my energy so I feel lifeless, breathless.
Sometimes its so hard when you have no one you can trust your life with because whenever you needs someone to talk to about your little secrets; the untold story, its hurt you so goddamn bad. You being conquered by emotions and when you let it out people can't understand you and mistook your actions. You don't know how to explained to other peoples about the true story; about why you behaved this way. Its so hard when no one really understand and the only way to make them understand is by telling them the truth yet those people are a betrayer, deceiver, the untrusted person. You in the middle of everything and at the end of the day, you chose to tell them only the tiny parts of the story not the real one. You're a twisted mind.
Oh my little secrets, you're the only things that I hold on into right now. The only things that can makes me suffer this much in life. You're the biggest burden ever happened in my life. I wish, I always wish someday I will find that one trusted person and tell him/her everything about me. Every single things that I kept inside me. But I know for sure, that person does not exist and will never exist. His/her existence are not allowed in this god forsaken world for my own sake or its like a torture for me because of my past mistakes I made in life. I think this is the punishment for me. I need to be suffer forever in life.
I will never find my one true love that does not exist. I will never feel at ease. And no one can ever help me to lift this burden I carried for more than 5 years now. I've been suffering for 5 years now. I've became so skinny and ugly. I'm like a walking zombie, a living corpse. I always dream of a better life but I have my own unspoken story to be deal with. And when I can't handle it, I run away into my own imaginary world I created with pain and hurt so it turned out to be so flawless and perfect. I can't let reality being reveal in front me or else I might fall into my own despair. Reality is not my option to live my life. Reality is not for me and I chose to live in a fantasy. This world is in a total disaster for someone like me. I'm not belong here, reality. I can't and I will never be able to live in reality. Just by imagining it, I feels like my world are shaken and waiting to collapse in no time. So instantly I will calling my fantasy to come and save me from this corrupted world. I'm a really problematic person and complicated.
Actually I can't bear this story any longer. Its hurt me and its suffocating me. I unable to live my life to the fullest. I missed my old life. I missed the old me. I missed my true-self. I missed that person who never care about whether people love her or not; whether she will find her one true love, she doesn't care. I missed her, I miss myself. But that person no longer exist, its disappeared long ago.
I was once everyone favourite person. Always everyone first choices but unfortunate event happens to me. Sometimes I asked myself, why God let me taste those lustful love? Why I have to fall in love and then being thrown into despair when I failed in love, Because of love I have a little secrets. Because of love I have the untold story. If only I'm not falｌ in love, I think I still can be save by everyone.
Love is a poison of a happy life because its the only feelings which can makes you feel bitter and sweet in the same time. Beware of love mundane or you will suffer like me but I think I'm the only person who feel this way because I have a trust issue. Actually I couldn't bear to live like this. I've become more weak each day. I want to burn my life story. I want to vanished it. I want to feel alive again.
Why all these unfortunate events must happen to me? Why this world seems so unfair? If only I can tell everyone the truth but its a bitter truth. I just want to be accepted. Accept me and my past story. But I exactly know no one can accept the truth of me. Just let that little secret being untold for eternity.