ナノごとだけど、どうしてもシェアしたくて。
今日、奇跡的に再会できたとある恩人に、
『ANTHESIS』を送った。
アメリカで生まれ育ったことは、
今でも自分の大切な誇れるルーツでもあり、
色褪せない想いで溢れている。
だけど、全てがポジティブな記憶ばかりではないのも現実で、
当時は今よりもっと白人社会で
世界では多人種、多文化な方だったとは言え、
東洋人はまだまだマイノリティだった。
特に学校では、
その差をものすごく感じていた。
小学校高学年に進むにつれ、
周りの子供達は知識も意見も発達し、
「こいつはどこかよそものだ」って思い始める。
親が純日本人な自分は、外見は当然なこと、明らかに生活習慣も、
あからさまな暴力的な差別は無かったけど、
言葉や態度の差別は同じくらい心に刺さる。
でも、それでも必死に毎日に食らい付いていた自分がいた。
孤立しないように、自分を笑い物にしてでも、
みんなと溶け込めるように食らい付いた。
でも、その闘争心のおかげで、
学校生活は乗り越えられたし、
何より辛かった心を癒そうと、勉強や、
外見とはかけ離れた内面の楽しさを必死に追求した。
その一つが本を読むことと、ストーリーを書くことだった。
想像の世界では、自分の思い通りになって、
それが少しづつ現実にも影響して、
努力次第、どうにでもなることを精一杯やろうと、
そんな 幼い自分を大きく支えてくれた存在がいた。
小学校最後の2年間の担任の先生だった。
いつも笑顔で、大きな器で、
先生の教える一つ一つのことを心の栄養源とし、
応援してくれていた。
今思い返せば、少しはエコひいきされていたのかもしれない。(笑
色んな勉強や作文の課題を与えてくれた。
たくさんの素晴らしい本を紹介してくれた。
おかげで学校の図書館を読み尽くした。
先生の勧めで州の作文コンテストに応募してみたら優勝した。
自分にしか無い能力、個性を認めてくる人がいるって知った。
欠如していた自信が少しずつついていった。
小学校を卒業してから、日本とアメリカを行き来している中で、
もちろん、先生方ともそれっきり。
でも、自分に多くの武器を与えてくれた小学校の担任にはいつか、
もう引退していて、情報はそこで途絶えていた。
でも今年に入ってから偶然SNSで発見して、
ナノのことをしっかりと覚えていてくれた。
伝えたいことが尽きないけど、
その全てがこの『ANTHESIS』に詰まっている。
だからどうしても送りたかった。
苦しかったからこそ発見できた喜び。
その苦しみも喜びも今の「ナノ」の種になってくれた。
その種が成長するまで、ものすごく時間がかかったけれど、
諦めさえしなければ、いつかは花が咲く。
そんな願いを込めて挑んだアルバムでもあった。
これからも変わりゆく世界の中で、
未来を開花させていきたい。
そして、自分が貰ったたくさんの力で、
音楽を通して、今度はたくさんの人の力になりたい。
長くなったけれど、
読んでくれて本当にありがとう。
Rock on.
NANO
It’s gonna get a little long, but I needed to share this with you.
Today, I sent my album “ANTHESIS” to someone I owe so much to - and it was a complete miracle that I was able to find them after so many years.
My roots of being born in America is a precious part of who I am, and my past is full of priceless memories of my life there.
However, of course not all these memories are necessarily positive,
and a lot of that has to do with having been raised in a society where being a certain ethnicity was a minority, even though America is by far one of the most ethnically diverse countries in the world.
School life was the main factor there - as kids grow older, they grow more knowledgable, and they begin to have their own opinions.
They begin to think, “That kid is different therefore an outsider.”
My parents are both purely first-generation Japanese, and so understandably, my appearance and cultural upbringings were different from those around me.
Fortunately, I never experienced much physical bullying, but at times, words and attitude are just as harmful.
But through these hardships, I did my best not to lose to these obstacles.
I made every effort I could to melt it, even if it meant throwing my pride out the window and at times, trying to fill shoes that didn’t fit me.
Thanks to these efforts, I was able to make it through Elementary School in one piece,
and above all, because of these struggles, I was able to find something to fill the voids in my heart elsewhere - beyond the walls of ethnicity and looks.
One of those things was literature - reading books, and writing stories.
In the world of imagination, I could be anything, anyone, and everyone was an equal.
That mindset slowly but surely began to affect my real-life too.
Though there are things that you have no control over, the things that you DO have control over is what matters, and what you should be spending your energy on.
And me, I knew that I had the ability to obtain an imagination and strength of soul to rival anyone, if I set my heart on it.
And that’s where that “someone” comes in.
They were the key person who provided me with the chance that I needed - my homeroom teacher who taught me through my 4th and 5th grade years.
She was the kindest, most open-minded teacher I ever met, and thanks to her, I came to love studying and going to school.
I would hang on to her every word during classes, and I was always the first to arrive at school, and the last to go home, and she was happy for me.
Perhaps I was more or less a teacher’s pet.
She gave me the means to strive higher in my studies and introduced me to so many books - it wasn’t long before I had devoured most of the books in the school library.
She pushed my back to enter a state-wide writing contest, which I was able to receive first place.
She helped me to realize that real confidence and strength is born on the inside, and there are people in the world that will look past the surface and acknowledge that.
After my Elementary School years, I’ve been moving back and forth between Japan and America, and unfortunately I’ve lost contact with most of my childhood acquaintances, including teachers.
But I always hoped that one day, I would be able to tell this teacher how much I am grateful for future she gave me.
I had no information on her whereabouts, but miraculously, I was able to discover her through by means of SNS (thank God for this generation) and contacted her.
I couldn’t stop crying out of joy when she replied.
Not only that, she remembered me clearly.
After so many years, there was too much I wanted to tell her,
but I knew that all these words and so much more are filled inside “ANTHESIS”.
Which is why I had to send it to her.
No one deserves to be hurt, but at times, pain can be the doorway to finding happiness.
Like it did for me.
Both my painful and joyful experiences have become the seeds,
which over a long period of time, grew and grew,
until finally, the season to bloom comes along.
I wanted this album to be the “anthesis” for me.
In this forever changing world, I know that the future is full of possibilities.
And like I have received so much strength from the people around me,
I pray that through my music, I will be able to give that strength back, and more.
Thank you for reading this to the end.
Rock on.
NANO