I just want to write this because I maybe feel better after it.
I fell in a deep depression again...it sucks. The trigger was a nice pair
of trousers I ordered and they came in today. So, I tried them on and of course I was too fat for them, like always...
I really HATE my feminine body...those fat legs and broad hips/beck bone. I just wanna be thin, wanna be beautiful. All the girls at my school have nice body's and can wear whatever they want. I think that I'm the only person that's struggling so hard with their weight. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?! I cry every fucking day and I'm not even eating that much!!!
I'm such a small person but my weight is 60kg, my plan is it to lose 10kg. Then I'll be happy...but I don't see me in the end. Last week I already had 4kg off but now I gained 2kg. I hate it to see me in the mirror, seeing this ugly, chubby and wiggling body. Who wants this?!
When it's hot outside I always wear long trousers and try to cover the part of my body I hate so much...it doesn't help.
I ask me, why am I here? Why am I supposed to live? No one ever asked me for that! My life is full of problems and I can't remember the last day I was truly happy...either I'll lose a lot of weight or I'll soon kill myself.