ChapterⅣ

I fell in love with an orphan, fathers of children of their ex-wives, someone’s boyfriends/husbands, men are 40/30 years older than myself, couch-potatoes who wake up in the afternoon, bosses, and gays…… all those men who never loved me. They all left saying “Were you serious?,” “You’re too young to me!,” “Do you work on weekends?,” “I was just too tired,” “I got a girlfriend(who has been in a relationship for long time)” or just disappeared without saying anything.

Look at myself! I’m just too stupid, but I, as a silly girl, I will be crazy about someone again and again. Don’t I have any abilities to “learn from failures????” I was about to give up my life again and wend to a trip to Christchurch, NZ & Queensland, Australia.

Again, I was walking down a street in Brisbane in the rain. I had no destination and was just wandering as I have been wandering in my life. I have been such a “lost sheep.” My love is always like the some “Turn to You” by Christina Aguilera. ”when I’m lost in the rain. In your eyes I know I find the light to light my way……” just like that! I always gain something very important through loosing so many things. Thought all my lovers were gone, and I was alone again, I still can say no regret from bottom of my heart.

Now I’m really looking for the place to turn/return to. I might have passed my goal. That’s why I still cannot find it and getting lost.

Chapter Ⅲ

I was walking down a street in Kyoto, and there was a man trying to challenge me.

"Where are you going?" he asked, "to the station, the Kyoto Station" I answered.

When we got to the station, I forgot what he had, but I had a hot chocolate. We looked at some pictures he took and shared with me. He is really gifted.

I was 25 years old, never had a boy friend before......he was just perfect.

He's got the family name same as one of the beautiful colors. I bought a GREEN bicycle a few days later just because I wanted to feel that I spend as much as time with him.

I could do whatever for him, going distances just to see him, waiting in the rain until he shows up, carrying heavy stuff to cook for him, spending half of my salary for his birthday gift....but....maybe....must be that made him sick of me. My love for him must have been too heavy. However, I'm just a beginner of love, and there was not a "biginner's luck." My LOVE101 was failed.

He disappeared and the bicycle is still with me.

My first love was terribly crushed. I was too tired to love anybody and couldn't do anything, lost job, and left Japan to seek a new life.

Chapter Ⅱ

I start my day with toe-wiggling as my boy friend does and told me.

And then, I kiss the Elephant Tom. It's a pendant he gave me, and I named the elephant the same name as his name.

It seems like we both know that we're TRYING hard to love each other.

Do I really love him or do I just want to be loved by him?

Do I just want to love someone? Do I just want to be loved by anyone?

Yes, I need a place, spot, position, or whatever to belong to.

He is every important to me...but....but....what's this feeling inside of me.

This is only the preface of my new story......."A Story of A Silly Girl"