I think I might have just hit the rockbottom of my life.
In all honesty, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Sure, I know that I will eventually have to enter the workforce and be committed to that for the next half of my life but..am I really ready for it now?
As ashamed as I am to admit, no, I'm not. I'm afraid to take this huge leap in my life. It's probably the first major progression that I will ever be experiencing. It's nothing like what I've ever known, and I am afraid to embrace it. I'm so ashamed of my cowardliness.
I feel like I need to do something huge for myself before ever giving myself up to the working society.
I feel so lost. Everything seems to be a shipwreck for me now. Sure, everything looks fine on the outside, because it is fine on the outside. I have everything I want. Friends, family, a sweet boyfriend, and my parents give me every damn thing I want. But how much of this is gonna last? I can't just depend on what I have now. I don't want to just depend on what people are giving me for free. I want to be useful. I want to be doing something productive with my life. Except, I don't know how.
How long will it take before I figure out what I really want. I am getting increasingly irritated and impatient with my indecisiveness. I feel like a tiny ship lost in the middle of a vast ocean. I see no end but a brewing storm heading in my direction.
I am so scared of the future. I wish I could just take things as they come, but I can't. People around me seems to be heading somewhere. Heading towards a shelter. What am I doing? I feel so abandoned.
It's like a whirlwind of anxiety and confusion inside of me.
I wish I could tell this to someone but I really hate to bring this burden upon others. It is not their situation to deal with. Yet I feel so terrible holding back all these words and feelings. I am a huge walking dilemma. I hate myself.
I am such a failure.
In all honesty, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Sure, I know that I will eventually have to enter the workforce and be committed to that for the next half of my life but..am I really ready for it now?
As ashamed as I am to admit, no, I'm not. I'm afraid to take this huge leap in my life. It's probably the first major progression that I will ever be experiencing. It's nothing like what I've ever known, and I am afraid to embrace it. I'm so ashamed of my cowardliness.
I feel like I need to do something huge for myself before ever giving myself up to the working society.
I feel so lost. Everything seems to be a shipwreck for me now. Sure, everything looks fine on the outside, because it is fine on the outside. I have everything I want. Friends, family, a sweet boyfriend, and my parents give me every damn thing I want. But how much of this is gonna last? I can't just depend on what I have now. I don't want to just depend on what people are giving me for free. I want to be useful. I want to be doing something productive with my life. Except, I don't know how.
How long will it take before I figure out what I really want. I am getting increasingly irritated and impatient with my indecisiveness. I feel like a tiny ship lost in the middle of a vast ocean. I see no end but a brewing storm heading in my direction.
I am so scared of the future. I wish I could just take things as they come, but I can't. People around me seems to be heading somewhere. Heading towards a shelter. What am I doing? I feel so abandoned.
It's like a whirlwind of anxiety and confusion inside of me.
I wish I could tell this to someone but I really hate to bring this burden upon others. It is not their situation to deal with. Yet I feel so terrible holding back all these words and feelings. I am a huge walking dilemma. I hate myself.
I am such a failure.