3/27 「身につけた孤立無援感」
【私たちはアルコールを飲まない親から、孤立無援感、心配、白黒思考、被害者であること、自己嫌悪を学んだ。BRB p.24】
私たちの多くは、虐待をする親と、私たちの世話をしてくれる親のもとで育った。両親の依存症の真っ只中で、第一の見捨てられはアルコール、性的な問題行動、仕事中毒、その他私たちから親を取り上げる何かだった。
もう一人の親は、困難な物事に対処しているように見え、私たちは感謝していた。けれど、極端な考え方・心配・被害者役割を演じる、など、もう一人の親の依存症に、私たちはしょっちゅう巻き込まれた。
私たちは生き残るために、被害者役割を演じることに参加しなければならなかった。
大人になり、私たちは自分の有害な振る舞いが、自分自身の力を発揮することから自分を遠ざけていることがわかった。
私たちの多くは、いまだに攻撃的な人たちが怖かった。人目につくほど、あらゆることをいつも心配していた。仕事や人間関係で被害者役割を演じた。何年もの間、私たちにとって共依存症/ケアテイカー(世話焼き)の親の有害な振る舞いがお手本だったので、有害な振る舞いは私たちの生まれつきの性質のようになっていた。
最終的に私たちは、有害な振る舞いをする自分に心底から嫌気がさし、助けを求める時が来たことを知る。
ACAで私たちは、有害な振る舞いは、２人の親それぞれから身につけたのだと学んだ。
March 27
Learned Helplessness
"From the nonalcoholic parent we learn helplessness, worry, black-and-white thinking, being a victim, and self-hate." BRB p. 24
Many of us grew up with one parent who was an abuser and one who was our caretaker. The first abandoned us in the midst of their addiction, whether it was alcohol, sexual acting out, workaholism or something else that took them from us. The other parent seemed to hold things together, and we were grateful. But we were often drawn into their addictions, including their extreme points of view, worry, and playing the relationship victim. We had to participate in order to survive.
As adults, we saw that some of our learned behaviors kept us from owning our own power. Many of us were still afraid of aggressive people. We worried constantly, seemingly about everything. We played the victim at work and in our relationships; we were naturals because our codependent/ caretaker parent modeled that behavior for us for years. When we finally realized how we hated ourselves for these behaviors, we knew it was time to get help.
Learned Helplessness
"From the nonalcoholic parent we learn helplessness, worry, black-and-white thinking, being a victim, and self-hate." BRB p. 24
Many of us grew up with one parent who was an abuser and one who was our caretaker. The first abandoned us in the midst of their addiction, whether it was alcohol, sexual acting out, workaholism or something else that took them from us. The other parent seemed to hold things together, and we were grateful. But we were often drawn into their addictions, including their extreme points of view, worry, and playing the relationship victim. We had to participate in order to survive.
As adults, we saw that some of our learned behaviors kept us from owning our own power. Many of us were still afraid of aggressive people. We worried constantly, seemingly about everything. We played the victim at work and in our relationships; we were naturals because our codependent/ caretaker parent modeled that behavior for us for years. When we finally realized how we hated ourselves for these behaviors, we knew it was time to get help.
We learn in ACA that our self-destructive behaviors come from both parents. New feelings surface with our realizations, although we aren't always sure where they come from. It can be startling. But we honor those feelings and don't push them away.
As we continue to make progress, we release our self-destructive patterns, recognizing their origins. They no longer have a place in our lives.
On this day I now choose my own role and how I respond to the world around me.
iPhoneから送信＊＊＊＊＊＊
※ACA WSO"Our ACA Meditation of theDay"
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回復から大きく外れていると感じる経験をしました。回復の助けになる行動から遠ざかっていました。今できることとして、自分の落ち着きのため、毎日届くACAのアファメーションを和訳してみます。どのくらいできるかわからないし、「自己充足的」と言われる行動かもしれないけれど、まずはやってみます。