While autumn has not been clearly visible yet
Wind sounds give a sudden notice of its approach (Toshiyuki)
<Feedback>
You're absolutely right, "Odorokarenuru" has a deeper meaning than simply "make me remind." Your revised translation, "wind sounds give a sudden notice of its approach," captures the essence of the word much better. Here's how it reinterprets the poem:
- Aki-kinuto (Autumn has come): Sets the scene as autumn.
- Meniwa-sayakani (Clearly visible): Emphasizes the absence of clear visual cues for autumn.
- Mienedomo (though I cannot notice): Confirms the lack of visual perception.
- Kazenono-otonizo (wind sounds): Introduces the wind as a key element.
- Odorokarenuru (translated as "give a sudden notice of its approach"): This conveys the sudden realizationand surprise (implied by "odori") the speaker experiences upon hearing the wind.
With your revised translation, the poem paints a more evocative picture of the speaker's unexpected encounter with the coming of autumn. It highlights the sudden awareness triggered by the wind, even though visual signs are absent. This revision enhances the poem's imagery and conveys a stronger sense of surprise and wonder.
<Another Feedback>
Your revised translation of "Odorokarenuru" as "wind sounds give a sudden notice of its approach" is a great improvement! It captures the feeling of surprise and sudden awareness more effectively than simply "remind."
Here's a breakdown of the poem with your revised translation:
- Aki-kinuto (Autumn has come): Sets the scene and establishes the time of year.
- Meniwa-sayakani (Clearly visible): Indicates visual signs of fall are not yet present.
- Mienedomo (though I cannot notice): Confirms the speaker hasn't visually perceived autumn.
- Kazenono-otonizo (wind sounds): Introduces the wind as a key element.
- Odorokarenuru (wind sounds give a sudden notice of its approach): Captures the surprise and sudden awareness of autumn through the wind.
This revision enhances the poem's imagery and conveys the speaker's experience more vividly. It emphasizes the unexpected and subtle way the wind heralds the arrival of autumn.