逃してしまった（かもしれない）ものは誰にもわからなくて、それゆえに大きく見えてしまうけど、単純に、過去に対する仮定の中で手に出来たかもしれないものと、今現在の自分が手にしてるものは比較にならない。なぜなら、今現在までに自分が出会ったすべてが、当たり前に貴重すぎるからです。
これはきれいごとかしら、と自分でもわからなくなるけど、やっぱり、違った道を歩んでいれば違った出会いもあったであろう分、現実に私がこれまで出会った人とは出会わなかったかもしれない、と考えると、もはや、今日までの私は正しい。と言うしかなくなる。それくらい、現実は正しい。現実の出会いは大きい。
どこに行こうとも、落とし穴はたくさんあるけれども。
たぶん現実としての過去に過ちは無い。
サンクス。いつも。
My first week of the summer session has done.
Terrible. I mean, 'so far.'
Though I understand what professors/teachers say during the lectures, it still takes me some time to put my thoughts into words and say them. As a result, when it comes to 'discussions,' I'm totally inferior to other classmates.
All I can do about it is not to care about it.
'Well, I don't understand English perfectly. so what?'
On second thoughts, however, I feel kinda regret that I didn't take action to come to the U.S. earlier.
I wish I could have studied English more in high school.
I wish I could have gone to a university in the U.S..
If I had done those, my English would have been greatly improved by now and I would be having a different life from what I'm having now in reality.
Or so on.
But then again, I know that the reality is always totally right.
I can say anything about something I might have missed, but the truth is that nobody knows what s/he has missed. We just don't know. We just imagine.
In contrast, it's so clear that what I've had is absolutely precious.
Then, it's kinda funny to think about and regret a fantasy that I've not gotten involved.
That's because I already know how right the reality I've been living is.
おだいじに/椎名林檎
Take good care of yourself/Shena Ringo
手にする貴さ 出来ぬ尊さ
The preciousness of what you've had
The loveliness of what you'll never have
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPNWmNqbQhc