Have you ever seen or been looking into the eyes of CHRIST$%: You may think I am being daft but let me explain. Have you ever been talking to a minister or a deeply committed Christian and had this feeling as they looked at you and smiled as you were talking, that they knew everything about you$%: Have you ever seen this person look at you and nod the head and you know they know what you are saying$%:
And it seems that they can not only relate to you pain inside, but you feel in your spirit that even though you haven't told them they are aware of your pain. Have you ever seen these eyes that sparkle and out of them come refreshing peace, love, acceptance, inner joy, contentedness, understanding, compassion, empathy and a total lack of any judgement. What so ever$%:
Not only have these eyes the most love, and are the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen, but also they have a somewhat drawing ability. They draw you into themselves like a magnet and you feel that all you want to do is jump right inside of them, like a fresh mountain stream. And they are like a mountain stream in that you can see an image of yourself. In them you can see a reflection of every bad thing you are doing and you know they know what you are doing is bad for you, but somehow they accept it and keep on listening patiently to your justifications.
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You know they know the truth, and half way through your conversation, if they're a total stranger to you, you develop this intuitive trust in the person and you stop trying to keep the truth from them and start to be honest with them. Suddenly, being confronted with yourself, and seeing the unconditional love in their eyes you find yourself weeping openly.
It's as though you are looking at your Maker and someone finally understands. It's like this stranger has watched you be molested, has seen you be raped by four men, and has seen you sleeping with girls and trying to find love and doing all the things you can to stay alive, and he still accepts you. Actually the more you talk, the more you share, and the more you know that Jesus really does love you and there is hope. Because there is hope in this guy's eyes, You can see it. You can feel it. It's radiating out in front of your very presence. And you don't need to ask for any proof.
You don't need scripture to convince you of this man's words. Why he doesn't even need to speak. His presence is enough. You feel a little embarrassed about your nervous babbling and suddenly you are asking this guy question. As he answers them, you feel yourself opening up to this person like no one else before. You find yourself asking for the answers to all those questions that have been troubling you. It's as though, God has said, 'Okay son, ask away. This man here has the answers for you.'
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Sure, you're a sinner and if you were like me on one of my encounters with these eyes, you were worse then worse. You were sleeping with prostitutes, you were sleeping with other males; you were trying drugs, you weren't going to church and you were addicted to pornography. Yes, you were bad, and suddenly you are telling a Christian all of this.
And you know what$%: Jesus is the same as he was two thousand odd years ago. When he met the woman (prostitute caught in adultery). He has His servant tell you as your eyes are steaming with tears, "There's hope for you, Matthew. Jesus loves you. He understands. Trust in him; cling to him and I promise you all will be right with your soul."
He doesn't need to tell you to leave your life of sin. No. You already know it's no-good. He just taps you on the shoulder and winks. "You're okay Matthew."
Have you ever met a man who had the eyes of Jesus$%: Have you seen a glow in a person's soul that makes you feel like you have died and are looking into the eyes of Christ. I have. And I will never forget those encounters. Why is it that these special meeting have impacted my life so much$%: Why$%:
They were just men. They lived on this earth like me. But somehow, I got the feeling they were only on loan to our world. It's as though when I looked into these eyes I could see the heavens and all the answers to the universe in them. I felt that there was nothing I could ask this person, that they wouldn't know. It's amazing, but that was really what I was seeing. I was seeing in this person an entity that all knew. I was seeing God.
And these people. They knew everything about me. It's as though this person had been watching me all of my life. Now two of these guys I knew hadn't been following me around. And in the natural three-dimensional world we live in, what I was seeing and feeling was impossible. These guys knew something and had a talent for something few people would ever encounter. They had an entity inside them, which was coming out of their eyes that could be everywhere at one time. And they didn't brainwash me. It was no trickery or witchcraft technique, they proved their knowledge by showing me times of my life that no person had ever witnessed. But someone knew, and that person was somehow inside these guys. The friend inside them, seemed to be omnipresent, everywhere at once, and another unique talent of God.
But they all had something that impressed me more. They all seemed to be empowered to solve my problems. They not only were there for me. They not only accepted and knew me, and seemed willing to help. But, I knew no matter what my need was at the moment, that they could supply my need. Now, I have never needed money at the times I have met them. I have never needed help other then a kind word and the encouragement off one of these guys. But, since meeting them, I have known that if things got really tough, I could call them or see them and they could help. They would have the answer and the resource to answer my need.. They had the power, to do the job. They were control of what I needed once again while I write this, I realize, the third attribute of the Godhead. They seemed all powerful.
As a guy who didn't really have a connection with guys, these men were more then just men to me. They represented a God of unconditional love. But they were real. When I spent those precious minutes with their full attention, it's as though they plugged a power cord into me and let me download all of their hope. In them I saw answers. In them I felt that life was worth living, and I knew that one-day I wanted a life like theirs.
Now maybe you are shaking your head right now and saying that I sound whacko. How could this be so$%: Well I would like to agree with the skeptics. It does seem silly and unreasonable. And there has been many times when I have tried to write these experiences off to me being delusional at the time. But each time I question these wonderful encounters, I am reminded emotionally in my spirit, of the awesome feelings that I experienced on that day.
And sometimes people see...Christ in my eyes.
I have debated with myself for a day about including this part to the story. For writing this account is hard. I am not one who seeks out glory. And I am not the model Christian that you'd see in church. It seems if anyone deserved the eyes of Christ, there would be many more contenders in churches today, then me.
At the time of my coming to grips with this topic, I was experiencing a very strange phenomenon in the lives of people who I was meeting. Total strangers were approaching me in the street and asking me menial questions. I remember one day in particular where I had so many people staring at me, that I went into a McDonald's toilet to see if I had something wrong with me. Do you know when you see a very strange haircut or a deformed person walking or moving up the street and you catch yourself staring$%: You just can't help it. And you know that it is rude, but still you have to take one more look to see if you are really seeing it.
Well on this particular day, I was the person everyone was fascinated with. And you can imagine walking out of a movie, out into a busy city street and suddenly everyone is looking at you. You'd very quickly go back to a toilet and take a look at yourself. Maybe you have food on your face, or your fly is undone. Something has to be wrong because everyone is looking at you.
Well I didn't find anything wrong, and so I just tried to put it out of my mind and continued on my way. But people started to approach me. I could see them trying to think of a reason, then they'd come over and ask a question. I didn't know what was going on, but I shared my faith a lot that day and saw quite a few people give their lives to Christ. One person who I spent a little time with while a busker I was watching was having a break enlightened me a little with a question. He asked what is that inside you$%: What is that light$%: What is it that you believe in, and can I get whatever you are having$%:
What do you say to that$%: What would you have said$%: I simply said. "The light you see is Jesus Christ. He is my Saviour and His spirit resides within me. It's not me. It's His spirit and of course He wants you to accept Him"
"When can I$%:"
"How about now$%:"
To this he started to cry. It seemed all to much for this young street kid. He had started his conversation with me a few minutes earlier by asking if I liked the busker. I'd said, yes I love buskers. I like to sit and watch them. He asked me where I was from. And what I did. I told him what he wanted to know. Then he asked me about the light in my soul.
Now I had a guy with tears in his eyes asking me if he could accept Jesus as his Saviour. It seemed like what he was seeing in my eyes was some sort of paradise. It seemed all too much for him.
" Its okay mate. It's just a simple prayer. There's nothing to be afraid of."
"But do you go to church$%:"
"Some times. I'm not going to one regularly. I go to one here and go to another there," I replied.
The holy Spirit started to let me get a feel for the young guy. Suddenly I felt this pain and anguish seize my heart and I could feel this guy's real longing for relief. My heart was beating faster, and its as though I was him. We were silent for a few seconds whilst he gathered himself together.
Then Jesus dropped into my soul, how he was feeling about this guy, and suddenly my heart was filled with a tidal wave of love. I knew Jesus wanted this guy saved. Then the Holy Spirit showed me how the little guy had spent time looking for answers and had been rejected in churches. And He showed me why I needed to be gentle. So I said.
"You know, I'm a little like you. I haven't found much love in the churches I have attended. Some of them are okay. But it seems you have to have the key sometimes to get into them. Would you like the key$%: Would you like to be able to visit a church once in a while and feel loved and happy and excited$%:"
"Yes I would. I'd like to be like you."
"Okay all we are going to do is pray for the moment. It is simple really..."
I learnt from that experience and felt blessed that my Saviour would see fit to use me whilst I wasn't going to church. I have often wondered why Christ has used me so much in many occasions like this. I wondered for a while then finally asked him on this day as I left the boy. I was so excited!
"So why do you do this Lord.$%: Why do you use me like this$%:"
"Because I can!" He replied.
"But why me$%: I mean there are heaps of people around that can lead this boy to you$%:"
"Where$%:" He replied.
"Well not here I mean." I stuttered a little as I tried to comprehend my mates reasoning.
The boy had said he'd been to churches. Well he hinted at it. Christ had told me the boys past
"So why do you use me$%:"
"Because you are available. I needed you."
Now I was the little boy with tears in my eyes. So many years I had sat in pews listening to how much of a sinner I was and how dirty and bad I was. So what's the point of going to church I said to myself. I have as much guilt as I can handle. At the time of this incident I was still sleeping with prostitutes. Quite frequently.
"You need me$%:"
"Yes Matthew. I needed you today. You were close and I wanted this boy to get the answer. He has been calling me for help. And so I sent you."
I love it when Jesus uses my name. It's funny isn't it. I was available. I had the same sort of past as this guy. I didn't have my act together myself and God was using me. And that's something I hadn't heard much in church. I'll never forget my mate's words that day. He needed me. The creator of the universe needed me.
He needed me.
I may be either the most stupid Christian you have met, or one of the most spiritual. You may be shaking your head in wonder or loving every word I say. But this point is so important, I think I'll give it a whole section to itself.
My Mate Jesus needed me. He needed me out of all people. At the time I was in a custody battle with a wife that has left. I had slept with two prostitutes in the past week. And only the night before I had been rotten drunk. I was a guy who drank in a strip club, and who drove strippers' home in my cab each night. I had friends that were taking heroin each day, friends that were prostitutes and I lived a pretty sordid life. And I was really comfortable and at home in my lifestyle. I was a guy who wasn't attending a church on a regular basis and drove a cab most Sundays.
And Christ needed me$%:
He said he needed me. And over the next few weeks proved what a powerful team we could be. One night in the cab, everyone who jumped in the cab left with Jesus in their heart. He put two people in my cab in a week who before they rode in my cab had decided to commit suicide when they got home. As a person who has been suicidal, I know the language of the person who is going to. If I hadn't of picked them up, I believe they would be dead today. And before these two had left the car, they had seen hope in my eyes and given their lives to Him. I had a person who had just been raped, able to share the hurt and I was able to share how I healed myself. My mate had countless sexually abused jump in my car and find hope in Him. And I can tell you it was fun. I didn't earn as much. You can be sure of that. Sitting outside the houses for two hours in a twelve-hour night talking and sharing doesn't earn you money. Unless you leave the meter running! *Smiles* I did that once. You should have seen the personal shock when they finally went to pay me. It was even more of a witness when I said. OOP's I left the meter on. Just make it ten. Is that fair$%:
He not only needed me. We made a pretty good team! We must have lead forty people to him in those two weeks together and then I had a little time out and a rest. I was going a little crazy at the time, through pressure I was getting from my ex wife and I became so harassed by her spiritually I collapsed in a breakdown.
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Now it's time for you too laugh! Well, if you are a skeptic you can. It doesn't take away from the story. In fact it only serves to prove it more eloquently. For in my weakest time, I was the most powerful witness for him then in any other time in my whole life. Doesn't he say a lot about raising the week and making them strong. Didn't He wash the disciples' feet on the day he was to be taken and killed.
On one of Christ's saddest days, he fed five thousand men and their wives and children. Before that, he had healed them all. And before he had left home that day he had found that his cousin, his prophet John the Baptist had been killed. He originally set off on a boat so he could go to a quite place and mourn. That's what the bible says.
But when he got there a crowd had gathered. It says then he had compassion on them and healed their sick. He fixed their bodies and then went to work on there souls and shared some wisdom and hope with them. After all of this they got hungry and rather then send them away hungry with stomachs grumbling he used a little boy's faith and fed them. Imagine being that little boy. I know as an adult, I wouldn't have offered my lunch up to him. That would have been a joke. How far could that go$%: But a little boy was innocent. He'd just heard the preacher needed some food to feed the people and he gave the preacher everything he had.
Is this sounding familiar to my story$%: I had nothing but me. I had only my clothes and my lack of direction and love for myself. But I had one thing in common with this boy. I was crazy enough to put my hand up each time my Saviour asked for my help. The people I was healing and saving from their grief didn't care for my past. In fact it was my honesty and hurt, that they could see in me, that made them feel I could understand their pain. I have a simple faith. I trust my Saviour. And I am rewarded each day for not having to worry about how He wants to pull off the impossible. That's His job. I just take what I have to the hungry. And he manages to do miracles through me. And the weaker and more I am at the time, the more I am clinging to him to pull through, the more powerfully His Spirit seems to use me.