damn its been so long since i wrote in here.
i guess i kinda wanna rekindle my blog! (:
anyways so much has happened since the last time i wrote.
a mixture of happiness but mostly sad stuff lately.
i havent really made the right decisions lately and ive been acting like someone else.
and i cant figure out how to go back to how i was a year ago. someone alot innocent.
i just dont know who i am anymore.
here is some updates...
so in the summer of 2009 i met my ex boyfriend...
and we started officially going out on october 29th up until dec 26th.
that was one hell of a relationship...
but even before oct 29....we were practically acting like a couple...but we just didnt wanna go out without knowing each other a bit more...
and i believe in relationship thatss worth a while.
not some random "oh i think youre hot, lets go out"
and i have to admit, he was my first boyfriend.
and im glad it was him and not some guy back in middle school.
cause those never last. the best always come if you wait.
and its damn right. i was super uneasy about going out with him...because of his reputation at school.
but i dont judge. and i didnt judge him from the day and i accepted his past and appreciated for who he was in the present. it doesnt matter if you have piercings, tattoos, stupid friends. i only care about who you are. and thats what i told him.
which brings up so maany memories of our convos...
i remember him telling me that one thing he liked about me was that i dont judge and that i respect him for what he does and that im always believing in him. he also told me also because i respect his passion for running. and i do. i believe in him so much ..not just running....in everything. in becoming the best runner. attaining good grades. and becoming successful.
FAITH...he always says. HAVE FAITH. and even though we never used the words I LOVE YOU. i have to secretly admit that i love him....maybe not as a lover or a bf...but as a person. i truly love him.
and yes he has flaws..but so does everyone
and i love his flaws too.
haha damn reminiscing.
im gonna write alot of memories i had with him from now on...because i dont ever wanna forget them...and if i do...i can come back and read this blog.
so anyways...even after we broke up we still liked each otherr (we broke up because of personal reasons, not because we had problems or didnt like each other anymore..)
but as of now...i dont know now.
its been 8 months and were still "friends" but i guess its time to stop and move on for both of us..he told me he doesnt know if he likes me anymore...but he really wants me to stick around and hopefully be good friends in the future...and maybe if were destined...we shud try thingss out again.
but its not that easy.
i've cried so much actually. (with him too! )
i appreciate it when guys arent afraid to cry.
but now were just super complicated. and shit happened.
and because of what has been happening to me with him....ive have done regretful things
that could have costed my life.
i wish he would understand and not be mad at me for fucking up.
because i had reasons to do so....but i know..thats not an excuse.
its my fault.
i just wish he would act like he cares about our friendship and relations....not just express it in words and act like a stranger to me.
damn so much personal stuff on here. but whatever.
i need to let it out.
so something that i fucked up on.....i cantt really say what i did but i def regret it.
and it made me realize so many things in life.
that i cant trust people fully. even if i know them for a long time
now i can second that : Quality over quantity.
no matter how long u know someone..some ppl are just fucked up.
and sometimes people who you know for so little can be the best people in the world...and life savers.
thank you for those guys.
anywayss gotta get going on my freaking senior project :[
peace.
i guess i kinda wanna rekindle my blog! (:
anyways so much has happened since the last time i wrote.
a mixture of happiness but mostly sad stuff lately.
i havent really made the right decisions lately and ive been acting like someone else.
and i cant figure out how to go back to how i was a year ago. someone alot innocent.
i just dont know who i am anymore.
here is some updates...
so in the summer of 2009 i met my ex boyfriend...
and we started officially going out on october 29th up until dec 26th.
that was one hell of a relationship...
but even before oct 29....we were practically acting like a couple...but we just didnt wanna go out without knowing each other a bit more...
and i believe in relationship thatss worth a while.
not some random "oh i think youre hot, lets go out"
and i have to admit, he was my first boyfriend.
and im glad it was him and not some guy back in middle school.
cause those never last. the best always come if you wait.
and its damn right. i was super uneasy about going out with him...because of his reputation at school.
but i dont judge. and i didnt judge him from the day and i accepted his past and appreciated for who he was in the present. it doesnt matter if you have piercings, tattoos, stupid friends. i only care about who you are. and thats what i told him.
which brings up so maany memories of our convos...
i remember him telling me that one thing he liked about me was that i dont judge and that i respect him for what he does and that im always believing in him. he also told me also because i respect his passion for running. and i do. i believe in him so much ..not just running....in everything. in becoming the best runner. attaining good grades. and becoming successful.
FAITH...he always says. HAVE FAITH. and even though we never used the words I LOVE YOU. i have to secretly admit that i love him....maybe not as a lover or a bf...but as a person. i truly love him.
and yes he has flaws..but so does everyone
and i love his flaws too.
haha damn reminiscing.
im gonna write alot of memories i had with him from now on...because i dont ever wanna forget them...and if i do...i can come back and read this blog.
so anyways...even after we broke up we still liked each otherr (we broke up because of personal reasons, not because we had problems or didnt like each other anymore..)
but as of now...i dont know now.
its been 8 months and were still "friends" but i guess its time to stop and move on for both of us..he told me he doesnt know if he likes me anymore...but he really wants me to stick around and hopefully be good friends in the future...and maybe if were destined...we shud try thingss out again.
but its not that easy.
i've cried so much actually. (with him too! )
i appreciate it when guys arent afraid to cry.
but now were just super complicated. and shit happened.
and because of what has been happening to me with him....ive have done regretful things
that could have costed my life.
i wish he would understand and not be mad at me for fucking up.
because i had reasons to do so....but i know..thats not an excuse.
its my fault.
i just wish he would act like he cares about our friendship and relations....not just express it in words and act like a stranger to me.
damn so much personal stuff on here. but whatever.
i need to let it out.
so something that i fucked up on.....i cantt really say what i did but i def regret it.
and it made me realize so many things in life.
that i cant trust people fully. even if i know them for a long time
now i can second that : Quality over quantity.
no matter how long u know someone..some ppl are just fucked up.
and sometimes people who you know for so little can be the best people in the world...and life savers.
thank you for those guys.
anywayss gotta get going on my freaking senior project :[
peace.
