Hopeless

June 2015, already 23th.

I am really hopeless... to achieve work target till the end of the month. I'll keep trying though.

and I am hopeless about building something relationship to anyone. Well... you know the next door boy already have gf. within a short time. he got it. well... see... I am just for pride that he being able to going out with me.

And then the other one who gave me a ride to and back from office. He is kind. I thought. but, turn out maybe he is not as kind as I expected. and Also He is like No different with A. maybe worse??? in someway.
They state about going out in public but... we're just friend. well, I know I am not hoping anything. but, if u don't want to be anything... just, don't state it in public. or maybe because it say public consumption so.. this friendship just friend and not more. not less. Just that. and I know I am not good at building this kind of aura.


I feel like I want to cry like I am trapped in the same hole. but then again... I want a good friend. That why... I think i can have friend. And you know maybe I got friend just not more or less. it just people see it differently.

But, on the other side, I feel hurt too. looks like I am being used and toyed again. -_-
What should I do?

I am speechless to my foolself.

Maybe I just cant

I am feeling used. Really...

And u know what... my heart can't stand it anymore.

Maybe it is me who fool. Always like this.

Heartbroken again.. and always unrequited. Never get anything back. Just being used.

everything is changing

This morning... I met that cute next door person but he is change. I am aware of his changing attitude. Since I took another person ride. but, what is the bad of it. it just that one is being kind to me and not any other intention. Why did he just change. or maybe he just used me afterall.

I feel really want to cry this morning when I see him the second time in front of his room. indeed people change. And I am this bad because I can't ..... when I like something .. I only want that thing. till I found the same thing that looks more interesting to me. but, for things, it is irreplaceable. then that's why a person more than irreplaceable now. hmm... tired like this.

hmm... this morning.. I accidentally saw at tv someone said that... "Think with your mind not your heart". It looks like they say it for me... think with my mind then,,, Don't be sad anymore. coz he's not worth it. I don't want to say bad about other person... it just... I don't want to be sad.