Unclear

It is unclear since morning, both the weather and my feelings.

Yesterday was not a good day for my mood. Start from I got scam and then other thing happen and make me think bad of it.

But, then uncomfortable situation happened.

I don't know Did I wrong that I want to have what I thought is my right as a wife? Even though, without it I can supportmyself.

This bad mood have impact to today. Beside my body feels hurt anywhere cause of the pregnancy. or maybe just my bad feeling. I don't know. I hope this mood won't infect the baby's mood.

While It have been long time, I didn't write anything. I bring a bad mood first. ah... bad me. I should bring a good news too. Just the mood I have now doesn't support it.

whereas... for people who see me and the outside of my life, so many happy things happened. I got married, got a good husband, now I am pregnant and will get a baby soon. I am healthy, my financial situation isn't so bad. I should just remember them, right. That, still so many reason to be happy. Even sometimes, we have a bad day.

久しぶりに

久しぶり。。。

一年あとで書いてません。。。ブログ。。。
ラストのエントリから今まで日本語は勉強しません。だからたくさんの事が忘れちゃった。
今まで、たくさんチャージもある。

仕事のことが。。。十一月からバタム（町の名前）はすんでいます。　仕事から。。。
ええと。。。去年私は結婚しました。今一緒に生きている。旦那はむかしのしごとをやめました。ここに新しい仕事はやる。
時々私たちは悪いこともある。
今赤ちゃんもある　私のおなかに。。。今四月。
幸せか心配か分からない。。。私はまだ何も分かってません、何もできませんから。。。母親の事、海賊になること。すごい心配するけど、ほかのみんなはおめでとうええと幸せを見えてくる。





 

I don't know.....

the first day of July.

I may say that... I don't know what will happen with this life.

Office things... finally, passed the first semester with bad mark maybe. I play too much.. maybe. not focus and yes... It was too much for myself. I can't do this. However, the next semester I should try Harder. But, this is where I know that... The mark from the company is really2 subjective and feel unfair. I already did this thought and that much. But, because the target is lot more than before and I can't achieve it. it will be bad. even I did like 3 times or 4 times more than where I was before. I won't rant anymore... it just... How's Life.

Next... Andri... just state it's name. I feel like he is really cruel to me. I knew that he already has gf again. after the broke. and it is his old gf with long time. I know he must be like her much. but he still did weird things which tickle my feeling. That's cruel. isn't it.

And I think, because of Andri bad influence... I am in the same situation again.. or not or worst.. or I am became not me or ... I don't know. I don't know how to explain.

Since march... I went and back from office with nextdoor personnel. Let's say An, he just has the same initials as Andri. well... till now.. we did like what I did with Andri. Even more frequent than Andri. Eat together, watching movie. shop. There are side that he is better than Andri.. and there are side that he isn't. I shouldn't compare... but, I guess that.. I will hurt harder than before.. coz.. all people that I know in office know about it. and they tease us badly. and he just laugh. not try to confirm any. if already at the corner, then he said no. Well... see... why all people who I met and nice to me... become like that. I end up being teased.

The bad is... I have intention to hug him and make it happen. OMG.. Did I become like Andri Coz... of what I've been through. Andri is the first weird person. The first boy who I ever went together just 2 of us anywhere almost like dating but not. And because of that... I casually go with An like that too. but, bad thing... I have the will to hug. OMG.... Bad me.. Bad Me... And this is the first time that it is me who initiated to hug a boy beside my family.

Even though, I can't stand of loosing this unclear relationship. A friend who always there like that, it will be sad if I lost it. but.. It is more sad if like this. Going around like dating but not. I will always said no... till he tell it clearly. If not... I will be the one who walk away.

I feel like I don't want to go back home this weekend. though It's been a month or more I haven't go back. I am just afraid that I will meet Andri again. I was really crying hard when he texted it, and tell it clearly last Sunday that... He is back wish his ex old gf. right after he sent kiss emoticon.

Okay.. he is bad isn't it....

An... He isn't as understanding to girl like Andri. But, about religious things he is definitely more than A, and he is kind to his family and other friends too. he accompany me anywhere but he won't bring any of my shopping bag like Andri.
though like that... I kind of shaken that... he like to be hug... while we just friend. and he touch my hand and such. If he is really religious, he won't did that. I think. and he ever said that when he had gf.. he ever went with other girl too. Hmm...So, I don't know.

And what make me think that, it will be funny if our name in a wedding invitation. not, I think that it will happen in the future, dunno though. but, When I know his full name... I feel like.. oh no. It has similarity with my name. I think he doesn't know my full name yet.

Okay.. I was sleepy.. and bored with load of paper.. now.. will continue...~~ *work*