こんにちは。
先日は発熱、頭痛と倦怠感で1週間寝込み、その後突発性難聴になりましたが耳以外は回復しました!
突発性難聴は依然として治らず、引き続き薬を処方されています。 毎日飲む薬が多くて、慣れましたが、薬を飲まなくてよい生活はいつ来るのか…その時が来たらお祝いするぞー(笑)
一昨日は下の娘とキングダムの映画鑑賞へそして、
昨日は受験生の上の娘ととある有名高校吹奏楽部のコンサートを鑑賞してきました。こうして娘と一緒に過ごせる時間にとても幸せを感じています。
癌になる前は仕事中心の生活でなかなか子どもたちとも余裕を持って接することができていなかった私。いつも怒ってばかり、反省…
いつの間にか一人の女性として人格があって考えがあって、好きな事嫌いな事があって。
それぞれの考え方を尊重してやりたい事に挑戦できる環境を整えねばと思います自分で考えてやりたいと言い出した場合は失敗が目に見えていてもグッとこらえてさせてあげようと。失敗から学ぶことの大切さ。受験する高校も自分で決めてほしい。
私は見守るだけにしたい、助けてほしいと言ってきた時に助ける…んー実際とても難しい💦
治療しなければ余命半年ほどと言われたあの時、人生を振返って、後悔はなかった。本当に幸せな人生だったと思えた。なぜだろうと考えた時に両親は私がやりたいと思うことを否定せず、やってみたらいいよっと背中をいつも押してくれた事、自分が信頼、信用されていると思うと同時に両親を悲しませることはできないなっと自覚を持ったことも覚えています。
私は弟3人いますので、経済的に厳しいのも分かっていました。そこは自分で何とかするからやらせてほしいと言って、自分で費用面も工面しすすんできた人生、だからこそ失敗は沢山あったけど、後悔はないと思えたんだと。
親になった今、両親が私にしてくれたように振る舞うことの大変さを感じています💦 とても難しい…
両親はきっと裏で心配を沢山していたのだと思います。でも、何も言わずに見守ってくれた両親には本当に感謝しかありません。
残りの人生、子供たちの成長をみていきたいと思うとともに自分も成長したいなと思っています。
これからも沢山大変な事があると思います、でもその経験はきっと何かの役に立つはず。
今日は独り言にお付き合いいただきありがとうございました。
Hi everyone,
Last week, I was bedridden for about a week with a fever, headache, and fatigue. After that, I developed sudden sensorineural hearing loss, but thankfully, everything except my ear has recovered!
Unfortunately, my hearing loss still hasn’t improved, so I’m continuing to take medication. I take quite a few medicines every day now, and I’ve gotten used to it, but I often wonder when the day will come when I won’t have to take any medicine anymore… When that day finally comes, I’m definitely going to celebrate! 😂
The day before yesterday, I went to see the Kingdom movie with my younger daughter.
And yesterday, I went with my older daughter, who is preparing for her high school entrance exams, to see a concert by the brass band of a very well-known high school.
I feel incredibly happy and grateful that I can spend this kind of time with my daughters.
Before I was diagnosed with cancer, my life revolved around work, and I didn’t always have the time or emotional space to really be there for my children. I was always getting angry at them… and I regret that.
Before I knew it, they had grown into young women with their own personalities, opinions, likes and dislikes.
I want to create an environment where I can respect each of their individual ways of thinking and allow them to try the things they want to do.
When they think something through for themselves and say, “I want to try this,” I want to hold myself back and let them do it, even when I can already see that they might fail.
There is so much we can learn from failure.
I also want my daughters to choose the high school they want to attend by themselves.
I want to simply watch over them, and when they come to me and say, “I need your help,” then I’ll help them…
Hmm… in reality, that’s much easier said than done. 💦
When I was told that without treatment, I might only have about six months to live, I looked back on my life and realized that I had no regrets. I truly felt that I had lived a very happy life.
When I thought about why, I remembered how my parents never dismissed the things I wanted to do. Instead, they always encouraged me, saying, “Why don’t you give it a try?” They always pushed me forward and supported me.
I remember feeling that they trusted and believed in me, while at the same time, I also felt a strong sense of responsibility because I didn’t want to do anything that would make them sad.
I have three younger brothers, so I knew that my parents were not in a position to support everything financially.
So whenever I wanted to do something, I would tell them, “I’ll figure out the financial side myself, so please let me try.”
I found ways to pay for things myself and moved forward with my life that way.
That’s probably why, even though I made plenty of mistakes along the way, I was able to look back and feel that I had no regrets.
Now that I’m a parent myself, I realize how difficult it is to do what my parents did for me. 💦
It’s really hard…
I’m sure my parents worried about me a lot behind the scenes. But they never tried to stop me. They simply watched over me quietly and let me find my own way.
I’m truly grateful to them for that.
For the rest of my life, I want to watch my children grow, while continuing to grow myself as well.
I’m sure there will be many difficult things ahead, but I believe every experience will eventually serve a purpose and become useful in some way.
Thank you for listening to my thoughts today. 😊