Lost that edge let's fall together!!!

So what can I say? Life is life and I'm just happy to be living it.

Every year I do something stupid and I say that I'll change, that I'll clean up my act and get myself together . That I'll finally stop procrastinating so that I don't disappoint the ones I love, and then I go and make another mistake. It's a cycle I honestly do need to break this year.

I don't ever mean to do wrong , and yet as everything starts becoming chaotic I just watch everything unravel, not stepping in until it's too late to fix what's broken. I decided though that this time was the last time. I fear too easily the repercussions of finally stepping up and being the person someone wants me to be. And they want the best for me. I should want the same and now I decided I will aim higher than before and try, actually try, because it's no longer something they want, it's what I want. It's what I need.

It's a name, it's a face, it's time we run against,

Throw the match that's lit among the rubble
Watch the flame consume the rise and falling crest
Among the silver's and the golds we write trouble.

Iridescent hues light up the cloudy sky's perimeters
Lies upon the sagely and the wise are no more
Screams from the deaf pierce the monochromatic stillness
Born from the crimson terror now paralyzed and torn.

Rub against the bristles to chip away the layers of gold
Will it do no harm or sound off the shrill of an alarm?


Do we know just when it ends or is it just as good a guess?
Let's stop the world and learn it all hand in hand arm in arm.

So aside of that, on the 4th it was my sisters birthday, and though I knew it I didn't say anything to her. It's kind of weird which only makes it weirder. I mean I love her, don't get me wrong, we're family and I'm the type of person who loves family and puts them first. I know these things the problem lies in saying something. I feel like if I start talking to her I'll turn into this judgmental hypocrite and I don't want to be. She's living her life the way she wants to and I shouldn't try and tell her how to live it despite the fact that I don't approve 100%. I guess loving someone and caring about them comes with it's own hardships.

It's the hardest balancing act between knowing when to speak up and knowing when to keep quiet. I guess so far I have stayed neutral and that's fine with me up until now, it's just it's getting so much more difficult. I miss that part of my family and we've just become distanced and have grown apart. It's strange... knowing they are there, just a phone call, text, or message away and not taking that step to making contact.

Ingrates of the deep blue sea and dark red torrents silence!
Shall we continue on this quest and lose as always along the currents?
There's that possibility we'll reach our goal but at what cost I cannot know
I'll lead the lost among the treacherous waves and down the alleys of congruence.

Share with me in detail the sordidness of your betrayal for I'll listen all the same
As each song begins, a string of musical erosion crashing against one another, I shall sing


A dream invasion we shall harbor in the blood of insomnia and the tears of abyss
One day the organ will stop sounding and the bell will drop taking with it it's last ring.


I am loving 王力宏 who's 2010 album (CD) : 十八般武艺 is awesomely amazing and a must hear. Yes I still am obsessed with Linkin Park, the Gazette, Miyavi, and Jay Chou but that's among my newest list of most listened to concerning my Media Player lol.

So it's like this:

So here's the deal, I've been working and my computer has been steadily growing more evil as time goes by lol. Ok so not really, my brother messed something inside of it up with some file so it corrupted a file and refused to work for a few days. In any case it's back and I'm glad because I have some music on here that I need to get :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*: I loves my music

Valentines was pretty ok. I spent it sleeping XD
Admittedly I am crushing on someone but .... well he doesn't know. That and it's simply complicated because:
A. I don't know his current relationship status
B. I don't talk much to him anyway, and when I do I get nervous
and
C. Only 3 people possess the knowledge as to whom my interest is and they keep urging me to make a move which only adds pressure as they seem to always be around with those knowing looks when I come across him.

Hmm, update wise there's really nothing much to say. Works work and that's about as interesting as that will ever be and life outside work is really just me on guitar (still practicing to get from bad to acceptable lol) and then writing, or attempting to sleep.

So that's about all I can update at the moment.

P.S I just went back to read old threads, from when I started rp'ing and I was so horrible it's embarrassing. Although now I want to edit it and make it into a fic. I just need to ask the person I was rp'ing with if they'd mind.

(///∇//) *:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ Currently loving by Jay Chou
Listening to his whole The Era CD because it's pretty awesomeful.

Stigma

*☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;
: :;;;:
*☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;:     :;;;:
*☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;: :;;;:
*☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;: *

I wonder, do butterflies know fear? I ponder on the status of one's reliability. It seems every which way I come across another lie , and the sad part, the truly disheartening revelation of it all, I no longer seem to care.

Maybe once, not long ago even, I did care to the point where I exhausted myself but those days are truly gone.
 

I'm truly ok with myself, and I don't need validation from anyone else.

That isn't to say that I have given up on anyone, least of all myself. I've just come to realize that some things are not worth getting angry over, some people aren't worth getting hurt over. If someone wants to be childish then by all means go ahead. Talk. Sneer. Spread rumors like you were still in high school.

Maybe one day you'll realize what people say behind your back, and maybe one day you'll learn that talking bad about others get's you nowhere in life.

Just because I choose to remain respectful towards someone doesn't mean I like them . I don't have to like everyone and neither does anybody else, but to take it to the point of absolutely disliking someone for no other reason than some weird imagined issue that never existed is beyond pathetic.

I'm over it.

Perhaps you'll move on one day too. Perhaps not. But I am. I'm not saying another word about you that isn't necessary, I'm not going to participate in slander of your name and person, and I'm also not going to pretend anything about what we have is even close to friendship because it's simply business. I go there, I do my job, and I keep to myself.

Piece of advice though, if you don't want people to get in your business, please be smart enough not to put it out there yourself.

And that was my rant of the day.

Currently (*^o^)乂(^-^*) Because of some Miyavi songs and a certain someone on my mind.