AKU MASIH
Saat dimana kau berpikir bahwa aku sudah melupakanmu,
sebenarnya tanpa kau tahu, aku masih.
Saat dimana kau berpikir aku tidak menangisimu,
sebenarnya tanpa kau tahu, aku masih.
Saat dimana kau berpikir aku sudah menemukan bahagia,
sebenarnya tanpa kau tahu,
diam-diam aku mendoakan namamu.
Saat dimana kau berpikir aku telah pergi,
sebenarnya tanpa kau tahu,
diam-diam aku tetap menunggu.
Diam-diam aku masih tetap menunggu mu,
untuk kembali disini,
hadir dalam setiap hariku.
"Dear you, you may never seen this post. But, do you know? It may sounds ridiculous, but I just cant get you out of my mind. I miss our random talk, I miss our midnight calls, I miss hearing your story, I miss all the little and biggest things on you. I'm sorry if I cant stop thinking about you."
Ok. Let me share story about something.
I had a crush from this fckg virtual world. I loved the way he treat me. I know that he knows what I feel, but he act like he doesn't know anything.
Dulu, kita pernah sedekat maghrib ke isya', sebelum akhirnya sejauh isya' ke subuh:) Iya, sekarang he always act like there's nothing happened between us. Sedih? nope. im not sad at all, well, maybe, sometimes, tapi udah gak berkepanjangan kok:) mungkin karena aku akhirnya mulai terbiasa dengan situasi seperti ini.
I've met him. Tapi tentu saja tidak semulus itu untuk bertemu, there's a lot of drama when I was very excited to meet him. But God is good, finally we can meet up for the first time. Do you guys know what I felt? I felt like I was in dream land!! Bahkan sampai saat ini pun masih berasa mimpi bahwa aku pernah bertemu dengannya. Lebay? Memang. Because I cant believe that finally I can meet the person who gave me a lot of happiness in my life. I cant believe that I can meet someone who can makes me feel better just by hearing his voice in the phone. I cant believe that finally I can see his eyes, his nose, his lips, his hair, and also I can hear his voice and his laugh, secara langsung. Hahaha.
I am so thankful to God. Walaupun pertemuan itu sangat singkat, but seriosly, I feel so happy cz finally I can see him in front of my eyes.
Dulu, dia bilang kalau dia tidak akan pernah berubah. But the fact is, sekarang dia ternyata mencoba untuk jaga jarak denganku. I dont know whats my fault, he didnt want to tell me about it. Yah, mungkin karena aku ini menyebalkan, jadinya dia pun lama-lama kesal dengan diriku. Haha.
Aku tidak bisa memaksanya untuk terus tetap kontakan denganku. I know he has another real life, and im just a little-part-of-his-life yang yaaa emang gak terlalu penting sih. Terlebih, aku hanya mengenal dia dari dunia maya seperti ini. Tapi tenang saja, sampai saat ini pun masih namanya yang slalu aku cantumkan dalam setiap doa ku:) Aku akan terus mendoakan yang terbaik untuknya.
I've missed you for so long now that the happy person I once was with you seems almost like a dream.
At first it was agonizing,
every day felt like I couldn't possibly make it through without you.
But what's worse is that now the sadness has somehow become "normal"
like I no longer remember how to be any other way than this;
like I no longer know how to feel anything else but poin
I don't know how to not think of you and feel an ache in my chest.
Every sad song I listen seems to be about the way we are now and the distance between us--
and every happy song reminds me of how we used to be
and how close we once were.
I can't remember the last time something made me laugh and I didn't think to myself that I wanted to share it with you later only to realize that I can't because you're gone.
And try as I might,
I still can't imagine a future without you in it,
even though so much time has now passed that I am effectively living in that future--
whether I picture it or not.
I just can't stop missing you,
no matter how much time passes,
no matter what I do...
And the worst part is.....
I'm afraid I never will
