Sorry

Sorry for not updating too much lately. I've been going through a few things that I don't really want to talk about or involve other people in.

But moving on, yesterday was Easter. How many of you celebrate Easter? ヽ(ﾟ◇ﾟ )ﾉ I use to love to celebrate the holiday when I lived with my dad. He use to do everything from baskets to candy and chocolate (even when we were older!) My mom use to get me something every year but now that she has a boyfriend she doesn't really care too much *shrugs* whatever.

Anyway, I spent the day with my sister and my niece. We had lunch with my mom and her boyfriend but I was slightly annoyied at how they treat the baby like a god damn zoo animal there to perform for them. They take like 12 thousand pictures of her and pick her up when all she wants to do is play. I was playing with her and she was laying on my shoulder (she now likes me holding her and laying on me) and my mother came over and grabbed her from me so that her bf could take pictures of them. The poor little thing turned around and held her hand out to me and then held her arms out for me to take her back. I just sat there because my mother wouldn't give her back and I was struck with this heartbreaking feeling. She wanted me to save her to take her back and I couldn't.
She wasn't even my kid.

My niece is my whole entire world. I love her to death. Me and my sister have become SO much closer since she was born, I make more of an effort to be a better person. I make so much more of an effort to be availible for her (I want her to know I'll always be there for her) I think differently about so many things it's awesome.

She's starting to walk and soon she'll be able to talk. I've never really watched a child grow up as an outsider (I mean I watched my brothers grow up but I was growing up too yanno?) But I'm not an outsider, I'm actually a BIG part of her growing up. That means watching my mouth, watching what I do etc etc.

Anyway after lunch I came back to my sister's house and then we played with the baby and got her ready for bed and me and my sister watched Oprah haha :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:




My little niece (^∇^)

Girugamesh "Owari to Mirari"

"If this voice I'm playing with, reaches you, I will attract you and pluck at your heartstrings."

Why?

Why do people get mad at those people that still are upset over a "jrocker" dying? I read various articles on forums about people bitching and complaining that by being sad we are "remembering them because they are dead when we should be remembering them for their music." All I have to say to that is simply, we love them for them and miss them, that means their music as well. Their music is a big part of who these people are but many fans went beyond just knowing these people for their music. They KNEW the people.

Granted, I can not say I personally knew hide. But I knew him. Through his music. Music is the most truthful thing out there. If you are making music and you are lying through your songs you are a fake, a sell out. Honesty that's what makes music what it is. Plus, many fans do hours upon hours upon hours of research on their favorite idol so they may know ABOUT them just as much as people that probably know him ne? With exceptions of course (we don't know really what they are like outside in their daily daily lives)

If you are a fan (not to be confused with a fangirl/fanboy) you give your heart to your favorite artist. I've invested SO much of my time in Madeth Gray'll its insane the things I know about the members. I've followed them through band and band too many nights were spent up, reading and researching the music, the band, the members as well as their fanbase. I've liked them since the first line up (even though Reika and Izumi's line is my most fav XD) And oddly enough they were my first real "fandom" jrock band. I liked Malice Mizer and Gackt and of course Dir en Grey (actually I was just "getting into" them. I really liked Madeth first) but they were the concrete band that threw me into Jrock/Visual Kei.

So, does that mean I can't be sad about Hizumi? I can't shed a tear knowing he's not around anymore? Does it make me a bad fan because I get sad over his being dead?

I miss hide, I miss Kami, I miss Hizumi, I miss Kazuki and even shed tears for Shaisuke (because many people seem to think no one knows or cares about him) My heart goes out to the dead that I don't even know about. (I can't be expected to know everyone) Yeah they may be popular and yeah maybe I found out about them after their deaths but that doesn't make it any less tragic AND it doesn't mean I just pretend to like their music because they are dead. Just because they are the "popular" dead jrockers doesn't make the rest of the deaths any less tragic also.

I cry because the world is missing so many beautiful people (famous or not so famous) but as far as the above mentioned they were young and it was totally unnessesary for them to die.

Who the hell are these people to judge others anyway? If you want to be sad about a jrocker or ANY person you admire dying than so be it. You go and shed those tears. If you want to hug your hide plushie and cry into it's hair while listening to X Japan in the dark go right ahead but please..PLEASE don't do anything that would harm yourself.

It's the one thing I fear the most when saying things like the above that people will take it as I'm saying "Oh if you want to kill yourself over so and so do it!" I'm NOT saying that at all! Please don't do this. If you kill yourself think about that pain you are feeling over your dead idol, would you want to put your friends and family through that pain? There is ALWAYS a way and it would NOT make the person you admire happy that you would contimplate doing that in their honor. I feel so horrible for the people that killed themselves over hide. I bet hide was in heaven crying himself. They do not want us to die over them they want to teach us to not take life for granted.

Enjoy every day. Smile even when there is nothing to smile about. Love.

And to the people that judge there are even JROCKERS that cry over their fallen friends and co-musicians. I'd LOVE to see you tell some jrocker to just "get over" hide or whomever. HA Reika would deck you in the face or something. Go say that to Kisaki or Yoshiki and watch what they do. (￣へ ￣ 凸

Idiots. These people may have been musicians but they were people first. We love them for being those talented PEOPLE we grew to love so stick a fucking sock in it and let people feel the way they will. You have NO right to tell ANYONE to just "get over" some one who has passed away.

All of this is in sue that in a few months it will be Hizumi and hide's 10 year anniversary since they died. 10 years...that's a long time...seems so short a time ago...*sigh* (ﾉ_-｡)

We love you guys and although we are sad you are gone, we will live having our lives blessed by you being in it through your music. The lives you've touched, the lessons you've taught do not fall on deaf ears. We may shed tears but it is simply because our lives do not have you in them PHSYICALLY, we know you are always watching over us.

ﾟ･ﾟ*･(ﾟOﾟ(☆○=(｀◇´*)o