Happiness is a Sincere Compliment

I got a compliment on Yelp last week that made me very happy.

"You're very welcome. You're one of the few Yelpers I stumbled upon that has me totally in awe. Your reviews are really great to read and oh so informative ! Makes me feel bad about my own reviews. And ill include that in my bookmarks as well. Thank you so much !!" -Jade L.

I've been going to Friday Night Magic (FNM) for the last three Fridays and usually the rounds end at 11 to 11:30 pm. My friend Jonathan and I go out for late-night dinner after that, but we don't have many choices because not many places are open so we've been going to Korean BBQ. Jade L. says I'm really knowledgeable about Korean food and that makes me happy because I'm not even Korean! It makes me feel a sense of affirmation that my Yelp reviews make are making a difference to someone. Jonathan also says he likes my restaurant choices. I want to keep finding good restaurants in the South Bay.

Insecurities of an Unpublished Writer

Recently in my life, there's been times I've felt like I'm standing on pins and needles. Those are the times when I envy people who know what they're doing with their life. Just scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I'll see graduation pictures and people's status updates about getting new jobs, and I'll feel slightly jealous of how other people are succeeding right out of college. And then I'll wonder, where does that leave me? Everyone else is advancing in their life, whereas I'm still an unpublished writer living at home. Just once I'd like to brag about an important accomplishment instead of being wrought with insecurities.

There are things I'm so insecure about. When friends I haven't spoken to in a while ask me about what I've been doing recently, I don't know what to tell them. Professionally, where am I? I'm in limbo, like an astronaut floating about in zero gravity. I'd LOVE to say that I've sold the publishing rights to my first novel, but at the moment I'm only 1/3rd done with it, and I don't know how much longer it will take. Each typical day when I'm writing, I worry about people's expectations of me, and I wonder if it isn't time to wrap up this dream, and apply for a real job. I'm a poor multi-tasker, so if I'm worried about job applications, my novel's not going to happen. I do think it's still premature to stop writing, but I have to stop concerning myself with illusions of inadequacy.

I guess you could say that Facebook is my biggest inspiration and my biggest distraction. I'm so distracted by what other people are accomplishing with their lives, I feel inadequate. Every time I have summarize my current activity, I wonder what the other person is thinking. Do they think I'm chasing a cloud dream, or are they confident in my abilities? On the other hand, when I get wind of people's accomplishments, I'm bolstered by their achievement to get cracking on my own. I have to do something to impress my friends, I'd think, and give them a first edition signed copy of my book because I told them I would.

If I say I'll do something, I want to honor my word. I'd hate to be the one who has a dream, but never makes it into a reality.

Last Year I Started This Blog

To be honest, it was too difficult to use this blog to begin with. All the instructions were in Japanese and there was a lot I couldn't read. I can read more now, but I used to be a dyslexic illiterate. I think it's probably not a good idea to have too many blogs. Last year, I started my own website on Japan's version of Geocities. I was trying to create my own website, via the urging (encouragement) of my friend Albert. But without ever taking a class in web design, I found the task pretty difficult. Being an English Literature Major sucks sometimes. You don't learn any practical skills you need in the professional world. I've had at least 5 blogs now. Mostly opening a blog was suppose to spur me to write more. I'm supposed to be a world-famous novelist, so keeping a daily blog should be no problem..., right? Wrong. I'm writing in this blog now because of the incessant reminders I get in my inbox about current trends, and I thought, hey... I haven't logged on into that blog in forever. I wonder if I still remember my User ID. I'm going to say right now, unless you have an interesting life full of travel and adventure, you're not going to be writing as much as you originally wanted to. I found an entry, the only entry I ever wrote when I started Ameblo, and after reading a line, I thought, Omigosh, how was I capable of writing so poorly back then? I want to write without regrets now. I will write a consistent blog. It might not be this one, but I want a blog that will get a lot of readers. I have to keep writing...