ほんとのこと言うために、英語しゃべりたいって思ったから、
これだけはちゃんとやりたかった、最後の日のスピーチ。
３日くらいかかって（１日は授業さぼって）書いて、ネイティブのteacher SimonとBording teacher Adonisに直してもらった（二人ともに、too long!! って言われたけど）。
なので、ところどころ自分の言葉にしきれてなくて、読み上げたときにいまいち感情が伴わない部分があったけれど、なんとか伝わったと思う。
これを書いたことは、本当にすごく勉強になった。
初めは日本語で書いてから訳す、というやり方でやってたけど、そもそも英語と日本語では文章の組み立て方が違うので、途中からだんだん英語で考えるようになった。
やっぱり、本気で言いたいことがあるかどうか、が一番大切なんだと思った。
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I think most of you already know that I cry easily.
So I can't promise that I'll be able to finish this speech without crying.
But if I do start crying, trust me, they aren't bitter tears. They are tears of gratitude.
So please pay no mind me if I start crying.
My stay in the Philippines was a very significant part of my life.
It wasn't significant just in terms of learning English but it was also significant in terms of valuable and unexpected experiences and life lessons for me.
First please let me tell you about why I wanted to speak English.
It was actually a bizarre chance encounter that triggered my desire to learn English.
Sometime last year I met an old man who spoke English.
He was looking for a girl to talk with in English.
He was Japanese but he said he only speaks English.
And he kinda looked like my father.
which was serendipitously interesting, because my father speaks English very well too.
My father usually tries to speak to me in English a lot.
But I always used to answer him in Japanese.
And every time I didn't respond in English he seemed to get a little disappointed, so I felt a bit guilty.
So, I couldn't ignore him at that time.
The old man and I became friends and we ended up meeting twice a month just to chat in English.
We used to hang out on a bench at the department store and just chat about anything that came up.
At first I could hardly speak, but as time went on, I got used to speaking in English.
I started to speak more and more. Then gradually I became very interested in speaking English.
I found it was easier for me to express my true feelings and opinions in English rather than Japanese.
In Japanese conversations, people usually like to use ambiguous expressions.
But when I spoke in English, I felt like I could express myself frankly, honestly and simply.
I could say "I think" "I feel" "I want" and it was important for me to be able to express myself that way.
In addition, I found I had a lot of things in my head I wanted to express.
Because I couldn't express my feelings and opinions properly in English yet, my urge to express myself grew more.
Struggling to express myself clearly made me aware of what I needed to focus on.
I started to think about what to say to express myself.
and as a result, I became more conscious of catching my true feelings.
I felt I was speaking from the heart.
I think my heart has already known what I truly want to do.
But it's usually difficult to catch and follow it.
I wanted to know myself well.
What are my true feelings?
What is the most important thing for me?
What do I want to tell the world?
What do I really want to do?
That's why speaking English appealed to me.
So I realized it's time to work on English.
My father had been suggesting that I go abroad to learn English since I was little.
I know I've been avoiding learning English because I wanted to escape from his expectation. Y'see, I was an escapist.
I thought there was a chance to change myself.
Now I have a question for you: What do you think is the most troublesome kind of feeling in our lives?
Anger? Sadness? Hatred? Yeah You might think it.
But we can handle those feelings simply by venting them out in a number of ways.
You can scream, shout, cry, hit or kick something...
It's a kind of outlet and detox.
Once we express them, we can pull ourselves together again.
So, what is the most troublesome feeling?
I think It's fear.
Fear always makes me frozen.
Fear always removes me from my natural self.
Fear emerges before we know it and remains in our minds.
And it's difficult to get rid of.
We can't replace it with some actions. And we can't express it either.
After coming to the Philippines, I had a lot of experiences.
These experiences rocked me hard because most of them are unexpected.
And with these experiences came a variety of emotions.
I realized there was a feeling which had been concealed deeply in my heart for a long time.
That's fear.
I've always been afraid of making mistakes.
I've always been afraid of losing something important.
And this fear always prevents me from doing what I really want to do.
As you can see, 8hours of classes tired me so much every day.
I became physically and mentally weak.
I am aware that a good body and a sound mind is the recipe for a true self.
But unexpectedly my weaknesses did me good here in the Philippines.
It made me realize I'm not alone because I found out there were a lot of sympathetic listeners around me.
When I was in Japan, I seldom told people about my inner problems even if I didn't have to deal with language barriers.
But here in Story Share, I could express my real, complicated and important feelings…IN English.
Everyone understood me.
I didn't expect that.
I realized I needed someone who I can talk to about myself honestly.
In the past, I couldn't face my weaknesses.
I couldn't forgive myself because I thought I had to manage it on my own, but it was difficult.
So my weaknesses always made my life difficult.
I was always afraid of my weaknesses.
Now I believe If I can release my fear, I certainly can get something really important.
I think it's best to get rid of excess baggage before they become really heavy.
At this point in my life, I want to accept my weakness and release my fears along with all other negative feelings such as expectations and regret.
If I can share these feelings to someone,
And if that someone understands me,
my fears turn into relief.
Communication with other people, animals (especially rare African animals!) or everything in nature is the most precious thing in this world.
Now I'm really glad I can share my own story with you.
When I worked at an amusement park as a staff before,
I learned one of the most important secrets in life.
The most vital part of communicating with other people is smiling.
When I had problems, everyone's smile always helped me.
I also don't want to forget to smile in any situation.
Here in the Philippines, I met many people and I could find a lot of goodness in each person.
Let me take this occasion to express my gratitude to each of you.
(This part is omitted)
I want to shift my attention to a lot of good things around me and count my blessings.
I want to see a lot of beautiful things in this world
even if they are invisible.
I think I need to allow myself to be happy.
I just want to feel a lot of happiness.
And I want to share them with everyone.
I think there is a lot of happiness around us. We don't need to look for it anywhere. It's been there before we came to existence.
Only if I can find them, I can be happy.
I believe difficulty comes to you because of the premise that you can overcome it.
There ain't no mountain high enough!
I want to think of difficulty as a blessing.
Now I promise.
I will always stay positive.
I will always find and accept this world by following my intuition.
I want to face up to this world earnestly, and
I want to say from the bottom of my heart.
How beautiful this world is !