I have lots of problems inside my head that I keep on thinking over and over again and it's like spinning inside of my head.
Lots of problems keep hitting us, it made me think if I could killed myself and sell my organs the problems probably could be solved.
And to relieve myself from depressing thoughts, I write.
Writing will always be my getaway, my things to do when everything gets tough and it kept me away from suicidal thoughts.
By writing a fiction, a fanfiction, I can unleash myself, I could be freed from all the problems for a while, that it's just me and the world inside my head that I tried to make it real by writing it in my words, and it makes me got a lot of never-ending story plots inside of my head that I need to write.
At first, I just write to make myself satisfied. I wasn't expecting people will read. I just want some close friend to read it. I'll be satisfied if my friends already read it.
Then I start to publish it in one of fanfiction online site. At first, there's only a few people read it.
Then I thought "oh maybe my fics aren't good enough, but it's okay."
I'm satisfied with that. But then the amount of viewers increasing and kept increasing, now it's not just my friends but everyone could see it now.
People I never knew before came to read and become friends.
And that's where my problem start
At first, I write to release my thoughts, to satisfy myself. And now it's to satisfy the readers.
As long as I still got readers then I will keep on writing, especially to a specific pair.
And I'm getting possesive.
I'm getting greedy.
I'm getting upset if you like another pairings.
Which is not good.
It's unhealthy.
So, just to make it clear, my first thought at writing is not to gained a lot of viewers.
It's just to release my inner thoughts.
And by gaining a lot of viewers, I became greedy and afraid if I will lose all the precious comments on my works.
So I need to calm myself now.
I really want to published all my works, all my thoughts inside my head.
But everything not always goes the way we wanted it, right?
See you on another chapter.......
じゃ、またねー
