Day 2

Day 2 since Koko left.

Being left out by our friends for years are harder than I could imagine.



I can still remember the way Koko sound in our house.

He used to make a sound whenever someone turn the faucet, when I took a bath at night.

He used to slam the door cage when he wanted us to change his milk.


He used to call my name whenever he's hungry.




I just finish my wash today and always turn around, afraid that our clothes will get in his way and covering him, but now it's empty.





It's empty.









And i cried when we decided to give his cage to 'pemulung'.







I want to cry.





I miss him so bad.









I hope he will wake up from his sleep.... but that's impossible...




Our days will be so lonely without your voice..




All that left is just the red clothe that we used to covered your cage.






I miss you...............






I keep thinking how our life would be without you, but i don't expect it to be this fast.....






Now we don't have any reasons to buy 'Kental Manis' milk and corn again....






I still can't believe that it's you who was buried there...



Koko, i miss you so much 😭

FAINT

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars

I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel

But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense

I am, what you never want to say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out

So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

You hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now, hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me 

I won't be ignored

I can't feel 
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal 
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

Author's Note

These are the days when my old friend called 'insecurities' hit me again.

I have lots of problems inside my head that I keep on thinking over and over again and it's like spinning inside of my head.


Lots of problems keep hitting us, it made me think if I could killed myself and sell my organs the problems probably could be solved.

And to relieve myself from depressing thoughts, I write.


Writing will always be my getaway, my things to do when everything gets tough and it kept me away from suicidal thoughts.


By writing a fiction, a fanfiction, I can unleash myself, I could be freed from all the problems for a while, that it's just me and the world inside my head that I tried to make it real by writing it in my words, and it makes me got a lot of never-ending story plots inside of my head that I need to write.



At first, I just write to make myself satisfied. I wasn't expecting people will read. I just want some close friend to read it. I'll be satisfied if my friends already read it.


Then I start to publish it in one of fanfiction online site. At first, there's only a few people read it.


Then I thought "oh maybe my fics aren't good enough, but it's okay."

I'm satisfied with that. But then the amount of viewers increasing and kept increasing, now it's not just my friends but everyone could see it now.

People I never knew before came to read and become friends.




And that's where my problem start




At first, I write to release my thoughts, to satisfy myself. And now it's to satisfy the readers.

As long as I still got readers then I will keep on writing, especially to a specific pair.



And I'm getting possesive.


I'm getting greedy.



I'm getting upset if you like another pairings.




Which is not good.



It's unhealthy.




So, just to make it clear, my first thought at writing is not to gained a lot of viewers.


It's just to release my inner thoughts.


And by gaining a lot of viewers, I became greedy and afraid if I will lose all the precious comments on my works.





So I need to calm myself now.



I really want to published all my works, all my thoughts inside my head.


But everything not always goes the way we wanted it, right?


See you on another chapter.......


じゃ、またねー