Ehh

Today I saw my host sister perform Japanese traditional dance haha. It was pretty intense? I want a talent like that but I give up fast.


So I should probably get my ass off the computer and start doing something worthwhile. But that'd be denying who I am sooo oh well :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:


I guess I feel like I'm running out of time. There's so much I want to do here...but in the end I have to go back. So what am I doing here wasting time!!! But it's nice to have time to think as well so...


I never ever feel hungry nowadays...all I've eaten since like 4 PM yesterday is a sandwich. It feels good...this is what happens when you're stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving by a crazy host family.

It's overplayed but beautiful haha

Before I came here, I didn't really need other people beside me. But now I feel the sensation of being alone so much more sharply than before.


So now I feel as I could use somebody - anybody. Because other people can make me feel like I have some sort of value. I guess that's what I want to have - a sense that I do something for others and I'm needed in some way. Like I can't be replaced by another random girl because it would change something for somebody.


What I really regret is I didn't realize this when I was in Texas. And as a result I probably made people feel like trash because I didn't act as if they had any value to me. Now that I'm in the position to feel the same way - that I'm not really all that needed for the world to continue its business, I don't want to make anybody feel that way again. But then again, I can be really insensitive so I don't know if I can stick to that.


*☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;:Well, one can hope *☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;:


Speaking of hope. In my life, I've always blocked myself from hoping in anything wholeheartedly, because I'm afraid of the pain that comes with disappointment. I guess in that way I'm a coward - I have a pessimistic perspective on life so that when I get disappointed, I already expected it in the first place so it's okay.


So I wonder if I can ever find the courage to believe in something with everything I have. Because I want to have hope again.

I've needed a blog for awhile

So I guess I'll start now haha. ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡★ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡☆

Anyways it's almost two months since I got to Japan and I guess I'm starting to like it because I have lufferly friends ヽ(*・ω・)人(・ω・*)ノ. When I first got here I was worried about being a cool cat and all...but in the end I probably have more fun doing my own thing haha.


The bad part is, it will be harder leaving here than it was coming here. Because many of the people I meet this year, I won't see in my life ever again.


So this year I want to create ties with all the people I don't want to lose.


It's just so hard knowing where to start sometimes though, because I'm so indecisive and uncomfortable with stepping out of my comfort zone. But I'll try to get over that obstacle.