Resignation Speech
Considering the way my boss reacted to my behavior during staff interviews, his natural course of action WOULD be sacking me, but this being Japan, he isn't prepared to do any more than force me to quit. And I've, therefore, put together a resignation speech that I will deliver when I hand in my notice:
"Boss, I've got something to say. (Slip on ballcap from left pants pocket)
You've been a lot of things to me--you wear many hats (tip cap), but to me, you've always been a boss, a father figure, a friend, and a coach.
And there comes a time, Coach, in everyone's life for him to be taken out of the game. You've had me on the mound for five innings--I'm now working on my sixth--and I've already given up a walk, and a single, and then another walk. Lefty grounded out, but I'm left with the same situation I've been faced with since the start of the inning: bases loaded, and a long, long way to go.
Now, there's more, and I hope you'll stay with me here: I got myself in a jam in the third, gave up a solo homerun in the fourth, and got myself into another jam in the fifth, but got out of it by forcing a double-play. So, to recap, altogether, up until now, I've walked three, struck out four, and have given up eight hits.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I've had a good run. (Spreading eight hits over six and a third innings is not bad!!) At the same time, Coach, the bases are juiced, my fastball's losing it's zip, my bag of tricks is emptying, and you've got younguns in the bullpen.
Take me out, coach. Take me out.
Thank you."
(Turn and exit)
(Fade out)
(Raucous applause)
(Possible encore?)