locked away

"Mỗi khi buồn là em sẽ không cần ai
Đâu có ai cho mình yên vui mãi..."

It's gloomy and rainy today

and it could be just like this again tomorrow.

I decided to wear only leggings and flip-flops to work

and it felt so nice.

Apart from a somewhat crappy January and the extreme stress that I'm facing

I think I'm going to enjoy this weekends -

not the most exciting wks .. but pretty relaxing.

Last night, I spent almost half an hour driving around finding sth to eat

but I became too tired & frustrated that I ended up going home

& making miso soup in my kitchen.

... love will never feel the same twice.

every time you fall in love, it is different...

(not to say it is better or worse)

This is something I have learned in the last two years,

and something I continue to learn...

Not much else to report. Life is good.

I'm thankful for what I have.

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missing me

Had a wonderful time in Vietnam with my family and friends, esp. with my Ci` Beo' Things are picking up and keeping a steady pace, which I appreciate. I wake up every morning in a panic as to how I will ever pay my credit card bill if I never actually work."Mommmm....!" No mom, Im JUST kidding. I'm so tired right now.I've been sick like a dog since the day I got back.But so many works are waiting for me..so I'm here.. sitting in my officesick - hungry - & coughing like crazy. Btw, It is time for me to clean up some of my messes and make clean, sharp breaks with my past.Rid myself of all the baggage I carry.I'm ready to be weighless, floating in still water. Valentines day is coming. What's there to do? Spend the whole night at a hair salon and stay home eating ice cream while watching a good movie just like last year?her her xx sounds like a plan. Gotta get back to work. Have a great weekends everyone~ muahhh xxx
"I created you while I was happy, while I was sad,
with so many incidents, so many details.

And, for me, the whole of you has been transformed into feeling."

- C.P. Cavafy
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sunny and cold

Birthdays come and go

They arrrive and disappear

and each year, it feels the same.

I hate birthdays because they remind me of time passing and the fact that I've accomplished so little that I've set out to accomplish.

It's been a really tough year for me: I let go of a cyclical relationship that was going nowhere.

But it's also been a wonderful year for me: I took action, I fell in love with myself and met someone new, I met new friends, I went out a lot, and so on.

I blame the lack of updates on the wonder that is winter break.

I'm leaving for vietnam tomorrow. It's gonna be my first time after 6 years spending Christmas in a place far from home /or a place I once called home.

I will merely be a visitor, a tourist or an outsider.

Perhaps in either place, the grass will feel the same.

Perhaps the sun shines through the clouds the same.

In the night, the stars will blur together the same.

I suppose grass and sunlight and the brightness of the moon mean nothing.

I am sure that I can find home under drops of water, under street lamps....

More than anything, right now I just want a glass without a label.

I just want you to change everything and be who I want you to be.

I just want everyone else to close the door

and lock it

and wave good-bye

and be who they're not.

... and if it seperates, just let it go.

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it's almost Christmas day

"Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more...." Last week I went to Jody's bd dinner @ FlightIt was fun. I ordered the "Kobe Flat Iron Steak' - medium rarethe ouside turned out to be over-cooked (burned!)and somehow too salty for my taste. So, food wasn't that great but their ladies room is pretty nice. with the birthday girl. One week until my bd party at Red One week until the end of the semesterTwo weeks until Christmas 11 days until Vietnam(but somehow, I don't feel like going anymore... ) a birthday present to myself (there are 22 more to go... I'll upload their pics later when I have more time her her her )Now, I gotta get back to work & perhaps, study a lil bit for final. love, Jaly
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it's there or it isn't

Hello~

Thanksgiving is next week already!!

yay!! aint u guys excited for Black Fri shopping??

I'm trying not to buy a lot this year since Im already buying too many.

Btw, Nordies havin' their designer shoes pre-sale right now

brands are: Christian Louboutin, Chanel, Miumiu, Valentino

YSL, Prada, Lanvin, Chloe... etc

Actual sale wont start til Dec 1st.

40% off - so hurry up

Gucci is also having a presale on their website. (nothing caught my eye tho)

Last week, I went out with Nikki.

We had lunch together at California Shabu Shabu

then went shopping @ Fashion Island & played with the puppies for a few hours .

Our last stop was Pascal Epicerie, also in Newport.

I love their Pitaschio macaroons *yummy*

Sorry for another shallow entry.

just wanna update this rusty blog of mine and so that u know I'm still alive. (hehe)

"The fact is, I like him. He's the boy I want and one day he'll be MINE"

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makes us young again.

Things are good.

I think each step of life is important,

and I am happy to be taking the step that I am taking right now.

When people ask me how I am, I always say I'm good.

And that's because I am.

It's a reserved, controlled kind of good that any self-directed woman would be proud of.

(...)

Photo:-Nikimoto

'yesterday
after eating brunch at a Thai restaurant we drove to the park

I was goin' to show Niki the yellow flowers field

but when we got there

what we found were emptied branches

all the flowers got stolen by the cold breeze

the ground in which the roots extend is so dry, greyish and uneven.

& no butterflies~

but i had lots of fun. "Magnifique"!

"we'll have to do this again.. soon"

ciao~ xx

muah,

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the sun rising

I had the worst winter break ever last year. It was fun at time, don't get me wrong. It's just that there was so much "drama" involved.
Three years ago, it didn't rain much. The sun was shining and the air was cold. I spent a few days watching movies with my amazing friends and most of the time at work and home crying my eyes out for reasons that don't exist anymore. Two years later, the tears exist for a larger reasons.
But the last few weeks have proved to me that I am in a completely new part of my life. I'm thinking now about how much can change in just a year. All I could think now is how beautiful this place is & how lucky I am to have live here. The skies are perfectly blue & all the trees are green in winter. "It's beautiful", I said. There wasn't even a tinge of sarcasm in my voice. Modeling for Laurence Michaels- a hair studio in LA


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empty glass of water

"she said: I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you.

he said: Then I must be the homeless guy that won the lottery"

- 11/1/09

Halloween was fun!

We went to House of Blues in Anaheim after eating @ Past memories~

& ended up leaving early 'cause my mom kept calling me. *sighs

but.. i had a great time with all my friends. xx

(for more pictures, visit my facebook www.facebook.com/jaly.kitty )

Beneath every relationship there are secrets.

No matter how perfect her lipstick is and how straight he wears his tie.

It doesn’t matter how genuine their smiles are at those parties.

They fight.

It’s funny how when we fantasize about the perfect companion,

we don’t take into account that arguments will be a commonplace but necessary ordeal.

We just think of how often he’ll look deep into our eyes and sigh.

We only think of how she’ll run her hands through our hair

and send chills down our spine.

But so many things get in the way of perfection.

You promised me things like that won't happen again.

Spoken words never seem real to me.

They slip through your fingers. You can't hold or touch them.

They are easily misunderstood.

but I trust you

& I hope... you won't disappoint me. (!)

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you lied and now I can't stop thinking

"We lie. That's what we do. You're selling me a line of bullshit and you want me to sell you a line of bullshit back so you can write a major line of bullshit and be paid for it." - Jennifer Egan (Look at Me)

If I could stop being sad for a while, well maybe then I'd be happy.
And if I were happy, maybe I'd walk out of your life with a swift goodbye, never to return again....tonightI feel like writing eventho i might end up deleting whatever i put down tomorrowbut I still want to write My head is spinning and everything is blended into a mess of colors I tried to recall each individual day, but I only see colorsblue occupies most of the scenes (maybe there are some tiny pink dots blurring into each oher)andmaybe when i go sleep later tonight, my world will go all black for a few hours. It is hard to know where to begin, so I tell you I will miss you. I don't tell you that I already do. I don't tell you I can feel that you've already left in so many ways.(or were you ever here.. at all?)Six months, Six months, and I still know so little I don't know anything I only know that you are stronger than I am.I only know that I can't change the awful circumstancesI just know that you are the embodiment. of commitment phobia, & male chauvinism but self-importantly deny it.Andat least I know no matter what my next move is, be it closer to you or on myway out the door to home.. Never.. for what we will never be able to become. so it is best that i just lie here and breathe.

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making beauty

hi everyone~

Halloween is next week. ~
I just ordered my costume online. cant wait to receive it.
Yesterday after class
I had lunch with Nikki
& then she took me to ConRev on Beach Blvd.
We spent few hours (yea hours!) there looking for Halloween costume
(they have some costumes on sale - real real cheap!)


& I bought some cherry heart-shaped lollipops


Last night
I went to eat Pho with my lil sis
She just came back a month ago.


&
Some pictures I took at work the other day


At SCP


(testing the "smile detector" 1 2 3 smile.. haha)

aite. i'm so sorry but i have to stop right here
gotta clean up my office
(i havent done that in weeks.)

...y...uck!


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