I’ll Cry Instead

I don’t do this very often, so it gets difficult to find the words I’m looking for from time to time.

I’ve been talking with friends for the past few days, and it got me to thinking. Old gears started moving, gears that hadn’t been moved for years. I’d had the opportunity to speak with guys from “the good old days” on the phone before, but this past weekend was much longer than what I usually get charged for on my DoCoMo bill.

I wrote the other day I was heading out in a new direction, but truth be told I still hadn’t packed my bags.

When I was young I wanted to be a Japanese person.

“アメリカ人になることは誰にでもできるが、僕は日本になれはしない,”

and I’m not talking about green cards and passports.

Anyway, I’m done. I enjoyed the literature and some of the movies, the food wasn’t bad, and some of the friends I made were pretty alright. I’ll continue to study what I need to do the things I want to do, and try to enjoy the time I have here. But I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is something I do, not what I am.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I―I’m going on instinct. Keep track of directions and learn why things float and listen to The Beatles.