There are certain times in your life where you feel at a peak of happiness. That you have found serenity and you are at peace... Finally. But i've found whenever I experience this serenity. It is quickly thwarted by someone fast enough to make me fall under my feet.
I'm enjoying myself. Listening to music and talking to my friend. And i'm made to feel like i'm a complete asshole because i won't do something that i never even said i was going to do.
Is it just me readers? Or do you have this aswell?
Atleast my music is coming along. I've got nominations as "Most Improved" In the scene i'm in. And i've been writing alot. Hoping to get it all recorded very soon.
I hope you all have a great day.
Zzz…(*´?｀*)｡o○
Story time.
I'm sorry if you can't read this. I have not learnt much kanji and there for cannot post in such a manner. I just hope enough people can read english so atleast people will see my story. I'm not trying to make out like i'm some sort of special person by doing this.
I'm not trying to say "Oh look at me. I have it the worse in the world" Because i don't. But i do have my own problems. My own vices. My own everyday battles that just get more sluggish with everyday. There are only a few things that can now make me feel happier when my day has been really shit. My soulmate "Yuki" and when i can't get ahold of him. Cigarettes. I know it sounds awful. Comparing the most beautiful creature in the world to cigarettes. But they are the only things that help me with my down time right now.
I'm looking at my yuki-kun right now with much admiration. I'd be lost without him. Truly... lost.
I might aswell tell a short version of my history. I was born like most Welsh people. In wales. In a small (at the time) Town called "Newport" Given the name "Joshua" and given a swift kick on the ass to make sure i'm alright and then thrown into the world.
It's really strange how everyone says "Ask for things." When i never asked to be here in the first place. It is odd.A few years pass since then and i learn to walk. talk. eat. play. Like most people do. And then when i was 6 years old my Grand father died. This was truly a loss that no one took lightly.
My grand father was a noble man. With a moral compass that would make any priest seem like a dirty scavenger. It was causing alot of problems in the family. And Eventually the stress got to my grandmother and she died... 2 week after my grand father. Not to mention. My uncle dying 7 months after from a heart attack.
Basically i was 6. And i had lost 3 major figure heads in my life. 6 years old and knowing the cold sting of death was something that lasts with you. Seeing someone one day.. and the next their just gone. Vanished. No more conversations. No more activity... Just... Gone.
It almost makes me well up saying it now. But with that kind of crushing realization at a young age you also learn to keep strong. Keep your head up and dodge the fire as it comes to you. When i was 9 years old i was sexually assaulted by my second cousin who was 5 years older then me.
I had no idea what was going on. It was a very traumatic experience.
I started school at around 8 years old. And was bullied every single day. Mercilessly. Came home everyday. Bruises, Cuts, Clothes all torn up. Pointing Laughing.
I think back on it and i just want to kill them all. Well i did at the time.
I started to see things that weren't there. Restless nights, voices and I "Saw" Noise. I tried to talk to people about this but they just put me down as "Crazy" and put me on pills.
"Life" didn't really start until i moved away from that hellhole of a town and moved to england. I met friends. Real friends. People who didn't use me. Or steal from me. Or hurt me. I felt accepted for the first time. I blitzed through high school like it was nothing.
then i left. Went to college and met a girl.
And thats when shit really hit the fan...
Story time.
I'm sorry if you can't read this. I have not learnt much kanji and there for cannot post in such a manner. I just hope enough people can read english so atleast people will see my story. I'm not trying to make out like i'm some sort of special person by doing this.
I'm not trying to say "Oh look at me. I have it the worse in the world" Because i don't. But i do have my own problems. My own vices. My own everyday battles that just get more sluggish with everyday. There are only a few things that can now make me feel happier when my day has been really shit. My soulmate "Yuki" and when i can't get ahold of him. Cigarettes. I know it sounds awful. Comparing the most beautiful creature in the world to cigarettes. But they are the only things that help me with my down time right now.
I'm looking at my yuki-kun right now with much admiration. I'd be lost without him. Truly... lost.
I might aswell tell a short version of my history. I was born like most Welsh people. In wales. In a small (at the time) Town called "Newport" Given the name "Joshua" and given a swift kick on the ass to make sure i'm alright and then thrown into the world.
It's really strange how everyone says "Ask for things." When i never asked to be here in the first place. It is odd.A few years pass since then and i learn to walk. talk. eat. play. Like most people do. And then when i was 6 years old my Grand father died. This was truly a loss that no one took lightly.
My grand father was a noble man. With a moral compass that would make any priest seem like a dirty scavenger. It was causing alot of problems in the family. And Eventually the stress got to my grandmother and she died... 2 week after my grand father. Not to mention. My uncle dying 7 months after from a heart attack.
Basically i was 6. And i had lost 3 major figure heads in my life. 6 years old and knowing the cold sting of death was something that lasts with you. Seeing someone one day.. and the next their just gone. Vanished. No more conversations. No more activity... Just... Gone.
It almost makes me well up saying it now. But with that kind of crushing realization at a young age you also learn to keep strong. Keep your head up and dodge the fire as it comes to you. When i was 9 years old i was sexually assaulted by my second cousin who was 5 years older then me.
I had no idea what was going on. It was a very traumatic experience.
I started school at around 8 years old. And was bullied every single day. Mercilessly. Came home everyday. Bruises, Cuts, Clothes all torn up. Pointing Laughing.
I think back on it and i just want to kill them all. Well i did at the time.
I started to see things that weren't there. Restless nights, voices and I "Saw" Noise. I tried to talk to people about this but they just put me down as "Crazy" and put me on pills.
"Life" didn't really start until i moved away from that hellhole of a town and moved to england. I met friends. Real friends. People who didn't use me. Or steal from me. Or hurt me. I felt accepted for the first time. I blitzed through high school like it was nothing.
then i left. Went to college and met a girl.
And thats when shit really hit the fan...