stick insect or attempt a fake High Street look — we’ll all see though it and Harry will lose sight of the woman he fell in love with.5. Do not make us fork out for your multi-million-pound home renovations.6. Read everything you can on Fergie — a perfect lesson in what NOT to do.7 If in doubt, eschew the obsequious royal hangers-on and ask Auntie Anne for advice.8 Do NOT honeymoon in Las Vegas.The Queen has clearly concluded that Camilla’s rehabilitation is complete. She has requested prayers for the woman who destroyed Diana’s marriage to be included in Anglican services. That’s one sure way of clearing out the last few of us in the pews. How touching that the Queen and Prince Philip presented the people’s Pope with a humble hamper filled with home-produced bitter,NNike Free Run 5.0 V2 Grey Black, honey, shortbread and a haunch of venison. The only thing missing was the Tupperware.A good show, LilyMuch outrage after Lily Allen sang at a charity event for children wearing what seemed to be a bit of cling film with a few sequins stuck on it. Let’s be fair. Lily shed 3st after the birth of her two children to return to the stage. Who wouldn’t want to show that off? And at least she wasn’t twerking. Fury: But Lily Allen deserves to show off after returning to stage as a mother of two Britain’s most senior policewoman,Women's Nike Free Run 3.0 V4 Teal Blue Green, Cressida Dick, says that the reason women are under-represented in the firearms units is because so few female police are willing to carry guns. This, in a week that PC Carol Howard, one of the few women in the elite SO6 Diplomatic Protection Group, has charged the Met with bullying and harassment after an officer poked his finger near her face and reprimanded her. The trauma has severely affected her personal life, she claims. Never mind a gun. Give that girl a backbone.Becks bares allHard to know where to look with David Beckham’s budgie-smuggling swimwear collection. Never mind those tacky tattoos — not since Tom Daley has a star packed himself into such a skimpy thong. Something you’re trying to tell us, Becks?While we’re on the Beckhams, how furious Victoria must be that Coleen Rooney turned up at the Grand National festival in a ?1,800 VB design. The last sort of woman Posh wants wearing her frocks is a tacky WAG whose husband famously cheated on her.Oh, hang on a sec . . . Tight: David Beckham has made a splash showing off his new swimwear collection It’s difficult to get too exercised over the ?90 England kit rip-off.It’s not Nike that’s to blame, but parents who cave in to their spoilt brats’ demands for an eye-wateringly expensive football shirt in the first place.A shameful snub to British heroesAfter eight years fighting in Afghanistan, British troops have ended their command of Helmand province.Yet back in the UK, Glasgow City Council said it could not fly the Union Flag for the homecoming parade of 200 soldiers, only relenting half-way through the march. These men and women have fought a desperate, unpopular war with great courage and unflinching dedication. The least they deserve is a heroes’ welcome.As one woman said: ‘Council meetings happen every week. These boys don’t come home every day.’Sadly, 448 did not come home at all.The council should be ashamed of itself.Yes, the Domestic Goddess set herself up for an almighty fall. Yet who could not be moved by the pictures of Nigella as she was barred from entering the U.S. over her drug confessions.Scraped back hair, no make-up, devoid of her hourglass sculpted designer frocks, she looked like any other desperate and divorced mother in her 50s.Nigella is a survivor and I wish her well. If her next cookbook is entitled Humble Pie,Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Army Green, there’ll be queues around the block to buy it.The head of Ofsted, Sir Michael Wilshaw, wants parents to be given a check-list of essential skills before their children start school.They include being potty-trained, recognising their own name and knowing how to open a book.At this rate, it’s not testing for two-year-olds we need, but testing for negligent parents.Promoting her new movie, Kate Winslet says she won’t let her three children use smart phones or the internet, to protect their innocence.That’s the same Kate who has three children by three different fathers. Bit late to play Mary Poppins now.WESTMINSTER NOTICEBOARD...Red Ed has a new ‘best friend’ — Joey Essex. They even had a selfie together to prove it. Joey thinks Ed should be our next PM — a ringing endorsement from a reality TV ‘celebrity’ so thick he can’t even tell the time on his own blingtastic watch.The PM spoke of his pride in cutting tax for ‘hard- working’ people by ?2,000 a year. So, why is he not also proud of having reduced the top rate of tax to 45p which — as predicted — has resulted in an increase of tax receipts to the tune of ?9 billion? The top 1 per cent earn 13 per cent of all income, yet pay 28 per cent of income tax. Tim