2. The Summer, July.15th -2

Paula

I wasn't ever good enough for him. I am not so bad... somepeople say I'm cute, hot and beatiful. Yes, I was getting frustrated by him for those days because all my friends were getting married and I had nothing.

We had been together for four years but where was he? I didn't even know...He used to watch porns on his conputer when I was out and first time when I find it out by accidentaly came back home early, I was kind of shocked. ...but not big deal... What I hated most was that he always looked and judged my friends when I brought them to our house. For what? What did you look my girls for?

I knew he was seeing some girls even though he was trying to make me the person who cheated first when we broke up. At least I felt so. He wasn't looking me anymore. I still loved him though... I couldn't stop loving him....and wanted to marry with....really.

He said I was cheating on him....but siriously, I wasn't sure about the guy... I know he was crush on me but I didn't care about him actually. It was a huge mistake he went to the party or dance show what ever, and made her coming to our aprtment. Stupid I say.

Anyway.... I actually end up being with the guy from work after I broke up with David like he thought. I had dated with him for while and I liked it. Unfortunally he wasn't the one I marry with...but had good time, you know? He appriciated me and made me special. I needed that.

I wandered away from the subject, yes, David, the day, in the morning, we had huge fight because he found out the guy emailing me and he thought they were love letters. He was all upset and then he went to a party for seeing a dance show and I know he met the girl at there. I know how he does. The night after he came back to our place, we had continued the fight again. He blameed me for getting those emails from the guy and again and again...finally made me tired of talking. I decided to moveout.

After couple of days from the night, the girl came out. That was funny.

2. The Summer, July.15th.

The summer was someting. So much things were going on his life and sent him that life. It was 5 years ago and I can't believe it because seemes like it is longer than 10 years since I met him....

Anyway, in the summer, it wasn't only me who met him.

Jeniffer

"I didn't understand why he never took me anywhere..."

It was a hot day, I went to dance show as a dancer. I have been dancing and teaching kids for couple months. It makes me a little money and I really enjoy it. Anyway, that day I met him, David.

My teacher was a friendn with his friends so he came to see my teacher actually but I know he was nothing but only wantching me after he found me. He was such a good looking guy... tall, handsome, etc... I was fascinated by his smile like a inoccent boy. I know it sounds stupit because he was middle age, over the 30years old already at that time but he actually did look cute especially when he was sleeping... Anyway, I easily found him too because of that...and from then, I was always in love with him. While I was dancing, he was sending me that smile.

After the show, we went to a privart party at my teacher's house. So I could drink even though I was 19. Maybe I shouldn't have...because it sent me those days...and I ate all them up.

That was a moment...

世代の違う大人達に囲まれてちょっと退屈になってきた私は次第に輪の中からはずれ、壁に寄りかかってちょっとした空間にグラスを持ったまま立ちみんなを眺めていた。目が自然とデビットを追っていた。空想が頭の中に広がり始め、今思えばまるで予言のように頭の中で彼が話しかけてきた。私達は暗黙の了解でこっそりパーティーを抜け出し二階へ上がっていく・・・

I was totally zone out and dreaming.

"Jennefer?" 彼の声でわれに返る。空想の中と同じ笑顔が目の前に迫っていた。"...yes?"

"Are you okey? You looked tired a little or drunk a little bit?" "...I"m okey." "Okey."

彼は笑顔のまま私のすぐ横に壁に持たれて立った。

"You looked great on the stage."

"Thank you."

"Are you shy, aren't you?" 彼が覗き込むようにして笑う。なんて綺麗なGreen eyes.

"........."　彼の目を見続けることが出来なくなった。

"Are you a student? Wnat you do?" "How long have you been dancing?"

"Am... I'm not a student...I just graduated from high school and I have been dancing since I was a little."

"Okey.. You wanna dance?" "I can cance if you want. I'm not so good at but I can."

"Am... no..., I'm okey." その時彼の友達の一人が彼を呼んだ。

"ok...letter Jennefer!" 彼が振り向きざまにウインクした。

I know I was so into him... I was so in love with him... 体中の血液がすべて頭に上ってしまったように、顔がほてり、宙に浮いてるように足に感覚がなくなってしまったようだった。目が彼を追う。

パーティーは退屈なまま過ぎていったけれど、それから一体どれだけ時間が過ぎたのか、誰と話したのかも良く覚えていない。空想すらできなくなって、ただめで彼を追い、いつ彼がまた戻ってくるかを考えていた。

しかしパーティーはおひらきになったようだ。私も帰らないと・・・家に電話もかけていない。先生に挨拶をし、玄関先に向かうと彼が立っていた。

"It was so nice to meet you, Jennefer. See you soon..............call me."　彼が私の肩に触れ、ゆっくりと覗き込むようにして言った。

"Nice to meet you too. See you then."

次々と人が玄関に向かってきたので私もそそくさと通り過ぎた。

But the moment, he totally caught me. Hard to breath... and I was actually shaking. I felt like he kissed me...hugged me so hard... Even though we only talked for couple minutes...but it was more than that.

After I got home, I went to bed straight without talking anybody even with my sister...because I affreid of letting her notice something from me.. I know she would have. .................and in my bed, I played with myself.

He says, "I love you, Jennefer".

1. RESULT

My best friend died in an car accident. I just got the news and couldn't believe it....because I loved him so much or hated? Did I know it?

死んでしまった。本当に？

I have to go.... I have to see him.... even though he walked away long time ago.

I got a email from one of my close friend in America in this morning when I just wake up and checked my email account and it cought me. I walked arround in my office and still couldn't get over it. Not only being sad. Actually more like wondering, why.

窓のそばに立ち、茶色がかった銀杏の葉がかすかなにおいと共に風に乗って散っていくのを眺める。一緒に楽しんだハロウィーンの夜を思い出す。玄関に切れ目なく立ち寄る子供たちの笑顔。大人たちを怖がらせようと様々なアイデアを凝らした衣装。

It didn't work anyway because all they were just cute.

Then remember when he left.

国際空港の見送りロビーのゲートをくぐり、最後に一度笑顔で振り返った彼。大きく手を振って見えなくなった。嘘、嘘、嘘のかたまりで何が本当だったのか、一体彼はどこから来てどこにいたのかわからない。

人間は嘘になれるとうその中でしか生きていけないのだろう。結局あの笑顔も、最後に見せた涙も、キスも、何もかも本当だったのかわからない。でもどこかに彼はいたんだと、それをどうしても確かめたくなって、せきたてるような気持ちになり、確かめに行く決心をした。