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several days ago, i saw SATC.
the theme was ''the truth luv''.
them, i have something to ask U.
how many times do u think u get a real love??
she said..i mean the ''Carry'' said just once.
well well well, 
thats what usually people say. i think.
hmmm, 
i undersatand, but i think its three times.
the first luv even though that might be just a calf love
the love when we arrive at puberty
the last love that we find a permanent partner.
these loves are all real ones.
cos, First luv
is what most people wanna treasure up in their heart
and the love of puberty can be the heaviest
in some ways. cus at that time, we lived every single day at a time.
then, 
of course the las one is the biggest experience that can change our life.
in my case, i already got all loves.
im 
glad that i got 
my mom offen says to me.
'' u tend to push urself too much.
thats why u've been tired n not afford to have ur free time to be relaxed.
u'd better to think carefully what u r gonna do before u decide.''
hmmm.
i didnt notice that i have that kinnd habit....well hm habit?...should say ⋆character⋆?
think of my days i've spent.
i understand my life was kindda busy all the time.
i guess my busy life began from when i turned to 15.
as soon as i entered a high school, i belonged to the baton twirling club.
as i had a great great time
, so i had a tough time.
the hierarchical relationship was one of what we have to attach importance.
we suffered from the circumstance.
but as time passed, i realized how much my life is fulfilling.
i got wonderful friends
, i got great moments on the stage
.
feel fairly sure i had busy days, and at that time, sometimes i was fed up with the difficult relationship.
but i finally got awesome memories there.
ahhhhhhhhhh i wanna go back to the moment.......:*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:
then, as soon as i graduated, i went to Can.
i was there for 1year.
i met LOts of people., n found best friends.
and i got a boyfriend there....
( afterward, we broke up because of the terrible reason though)
hmm i had tons of things to do, but i could enjoy life. i did go many places with friends, not only sightseeing spots,
also funny places.
ahhhhhhhhhh, i wanna go back to the days....
all friends i've met so far, LUV YA
(≧▽≦)
im kindda tired of typing.
to be continued of talking my life.....
''Barista'' is a person who make a espresso or coffee professionally
thats what i wanna be someday.
im quittin the school where i go now. n i will go a new school for bein a barista this spring.
im TruLy excited!!!!:*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:
buT some people say thats not smart idea if i wanna get skills.
they said workin' at a bar is the best way to learn it.
i dont think what they think is not wrong.
i can understand....but goin this school is what i chose for the best way.
they may....well id say they DO think its waste of money.
hmmm.
i dont wanna think like that.
at the course, i can take a lesson from LoTs of good baristas.
is it really waste of time???
i Dont think so.
at least for me, thats very worthful.
hm.
WHATEVER.
i keep goin my way(｀∀´)
change the subjest, Lately i've not been exercisin'.
i think thats why i got sick easily.
nowadays, i suffer from gastric pain,
i kindda figure out why.
the reason is im stressed out, n i havent found how to let it out yet.
Gosh(-"-;A
though im still 19, i feel like im old.
i just hope time flies faster so that my favorite month February comes soon.
in that month, there r TOns of events for meﾍ(ﾟ∀ﾟ*)ﾉ
my Birthday..... V's day.....and so on.
oh, i cant wait!!!
hmmmmm. today's diary must be unorganized. hehe(・・。)ゞ
Yesterday n today, i got off days.γ(▽´ )ﾂヾ( ｀▽)ゞ
Lately, i've been so busy, like repeat of workin'.・°・(ノД｀)・°・
Gosh. 
im not one of that kindda type that likes to work.
but i desided i'll quit my job at the end of Feb. 
thus it means only 2 more months i need to endure,(´∀｀)
ask myself, ''Can u stand until then?''
I'd answer'' I dont know. im gonna try.''
oh, well. 
Lets not talk about my work on my off day.
Yesterday was the happiest day of my resent days!!
he also got a off. 
so we promised to meet at 11am.
the time is a little bit early for us on off day.
i worried
a bit if its burden for him. he is not good at waking uo early.σ(^_^;)
but he did. thats the one of good points what he has.
anywho, we had a GoOd tIme
we bought a byscle
( mine was stolen several days ago
)
n we walked along for a while.
shopping....lunch.....walkin.....break time......
we saw 007.
it was soooo exsitin
shootin, beatin, n killin
we luv to go to movies. our hobbies r similar. im so glad that i got a movie FRiend
i mean not just friend though.
after the movie ended, we went to 贔屓屋...well, was there?? i dont remember the name.
we had a good time there. meals were delicious, atmosphere wes hmmmm soso
really really happy time it was. thats why i didn wanna end it. i didn wanna go home.
n i said my feelin to him. he was sick that i say that kindda things at the end of date.
i know. i understand what he thinks.
is this my selfishness??
hmmm. at the result. we had a argument again.
i didnt except....... im sorry, but i cant stop hopin to stay together as long as we have time.
sometimes i just fall into dipression.
i donno why.
i just get anxious(ﾉ_-｡)
several days ago, i was there...deep n dark place.
what i could do was just cryin.
i cried again n again.
no reason.
well, think now. i might be just lonely.
i wanted to meet him, but he has no time.
also, my job is so hard.
my stress was going over the limit.
but after the hard days, i became myself.
the feeling what i got is not easy to put into words.
i should be together with him as soon as we can.
before i break my heart.
i got it, i got it!!!o(^▽^)o
i finally got a chance to work at a hotel.
its obvious my life will be busy n hard. of course more than now.
but i wanna link this job to my furture.
what i wanna be is a bartender of a hotel.
so i wanted to work at a bar. but because id been dull tp make a decision where i work, i wasted the opportunity・°・(ノД｀)・°・
when i called the representive at the human resorces to make an appointment, first i told her why i called you today. i said "the reason why i called u today is to make sure there is still a space for application to work." then, she asked which section i wanna work. n i answered that a bar is where i want. suddenly her voice torned down, n said "im sorry, we closed the list. i was soooooooooo disappointed。・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡
then she suggested me working at a cafe of loby lounge.
at that time, i was sunk in apathy. so i asked to give me a time to consider.
and.......several days later......ﾟ･ﾟ*･(ﾟOﾟ(☆○=(｀◇´*)o
i desided to be a waitress at the cafe.
so i called her again, n got an appointment for an interview.
then then then, the time came in front of me.
i was soooooooooo nervous if i can pass or not.
actually two persons who judge seemed like stern. but as often as i answered thier questions, my nervousness was gettin' better.
at last, one of them said to me that i passed the interview.
i was glad that i did it.
co-worker seems kind n friendly, n the manager looks like kind.
so i hope i can work enjoyablly.ﾍ(ﾟ∀ﾟ*)ﾉ
(ﾟ-ﾟ)( ﾟﾛﾟ)(( ﾛﾟ)ﾟ((( ﾛ)~ﾟ ﾟNoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont wanna believe that!!!!
・°・(ノД｀)・°・ i cant take it any more.
i really ♥loved♥ him from bottom of my heart。
but look at what he did. i admitted that he has sex with other girls. cus, you know we are still young. he is 20. n im 19. of course we are interested in sex so much. i know we cant stand for not having sex until we meet again. i CANT. so, i've already been having sex with other guys several...well, i'd say mamy times. (｡-人-｡)
but, in his case, he is much much worse than me!!
he did made out with one of my best friends!!!!!
what the・・・!?
i was sooooo shocked when i first heard he had sex with HER!!!
i hadnt cared with who he did.
YET, except HER!!!!
why her!? of course he knows she n i have...had such a great relatonship!!!
he broke it to pieces.
i cant believe anybody any more.
Oops.
she is such a bitch. what the fuck.
im sick n tired of working with her.
i just hope she goes away, n never show up. EVER!!!!
i saw her ordering another co-worker.
how jerk she was.
i just cant take it any more.
seriously i hope she passes away as soon as possible.
i dont like...well, i HATE working under such offensive people.
she is beyond my capacity, well, originally i dont wanna understand what she is thinking though.
why dont u talk to me?
why dont u answer me?
why dont u care about me?
human can not remember the same feeling forever.
yet, we promised we dont forget the feelng, we care about each other even though we cant meet face to face...didnt we?
or.....did u already forget everything?
i just wanna believe the rest of hopes.
i just hope u reaction something to me.
i m lonley...im afraid if u go far away i dont know where though....
u said there is a moment when u think of me everyday.
how dare u said that...
i cant trust ur words as far as u respond me...
im not so strong that i can wait u for a long long long time...
i dont wanna lose u.
i said this before...u just answered not to worry about anything.
can u say that again even now?
or, u wont say it again?
i cant read ur mind.
just worries in my mind are constantly increasing.
does somebody stop increasing this feeling?
can somebody say to me that everything is fine, there are no worry that im expecting now?
what are u thinking now?
answer me.....