Diary of My Actual Dreams
Dream #1 - The Heart-Collecting Triplet
I had a scary dream that three identical-looking men were with me on a triad of closely connected yachts - I wonder if they were doppelgängers or triplets? They had slicked-back hair, far too much pomade in it, and they were pale/Caucasian, albino-looking with greasy, golden blonde hair - wiry limbs with large, blue eyes. The men were thin, androgynous with loose-fitting suits; all of them existed separately, helming the identical boats. It was as if they were from parallel realities.
The formation of the yachts was perfectly triangular. One of the men bore an evil grin, and he jumped onto another boat and pulled out one of his twins' hearts with his hand. It was as though he was acting as some kind of cruel, Egyptian god - his large nose appeared avian and beak-like, a predatory gleam glinting momentarily in his over-sized eyes. While the other man lay dying without a heart - I'm not aware of what my role in this story was, but I chased him so that he wouldn't kill his only remaining twin!
I was not fast enough and the man removed the last doppel's heart swiftly. And once he had removed the final one, he threw all of the hearts into the body of water next to us! To my surprise, there was a shallow plop sound, rather than the sinking plunk that a large object would make while sinking into a large body of water! I had believed that we were yachting on an ocean of water, since the surroundings were very vast, with no visible horizon in sight!
Looking over the side of the boat, the water was only as shallow as a three-foot deep, kiddy pool! I had been under a false perception of the actual depth of the seemingly infinite body of water the whole time! The skies were clear and blue, and the water was as clear as the skies, making it easy to collect the hearts once again.
The End
Possible interpretations: Issues with identity, powerlessness, sensing that things may not be what I believe them to be.
Dream #2 - The Ocean's Call
I don't remember this dream as clearly because I kept waking up and going back to sleep, but I felt like the convoluted nature of it helped clear my mind upon waking. It was labyrinthine and I was recalling traumas involving a lot of blame and shame, and each time a situation happened, I caught a vision of a calm shore-side. The whole dream consisted of me yearning for the ocean, it appearing in my mind like a mirage or a distant memory. I interpret this one as wishing for peace or resolution to a conflict, perhaps? Looking for an escape, maybe?
Waking Life
My life has been improving recently, I fell into a rabbit hole of a slump for a good minute or two... more like: over the course of an entire year. I think the worst feeling in the world is to not be able to cope with trauma, and you don't feel safe or secure enough or connected to reality enough to cry genuine emotional tears. Miraculously, I have been getting more in-touch with my unconscious mind: sleeping better and having vivid dreams! So, I am starting to feel more alive.
Some days, I feel very vacant or vegetative or frightened of the entire human race, but I still have the inner fire and passion despite all of that! I started reading a new book today: "Remains of the Day" by Kazuo Ishiguro! The book is very Victorian gothic and atmospheric so far, it is reminiscent of something like Henry James's "The Turn of the Screw"! Enjoying it purely on the basis of the culminating ambience that the novel creates, we will see where the story leads us!
I started writing poetry again:
- "Cat's Tongue"
- "Blossom"
- "Capsule M[issile]"