I am Momo
I haven’t been working for over 10 years.
To be honest, I worked just a short period of time such as to be earned money which to get my nails change for once.
I chose to start working with Yohji Yamamoto after graduated from a junior college because I am a women who loves fashions. Afterwards, I turned into working in flower industry.
Then got several years of working experiences in my local flower shop, I moved to Tokyo for working with Nicolai Bergmann.
I liked that work and enjoyed it but suddenly I forced to quit it, because of hard working, result of neglecting
myself, my mind and body told me like, “it’s enough! Stop doing it!!”
And so, that’s happens over 10years ago.
So far, I had three diseases, at first I was diagnosed bipolar disorder. I had been spending over 6-years at the toughest time in my life, but even it, I still neglecting myself so I felled in low thyroid. Then finally I was diagnosed rheumatism, that was after 8-years since my first diagnosis.
I thought that my days with to be taking a lot of mental medicines were the hardest time of my life, but my mind and body were remained worn out, and I’d been sick all the time.
But, you know that, what I want to write and tell right now are. It doesn’t mean “I had such a hard time.”
I want to show you how I had been thinking, feeling and spending time, and trying to write about it from now on, I don’t want to hide it anymore. Because everything including that are the important parts to make me as a person who I am.
I’ve gotten three diseases and now I don’t still work yet, but I can make it live, even though I divorced and married.
One day, after six years of being care with bipolar disorder, suddenly I had an whim that, “that’s enough, I want to cure this, I want to change!”, then I went to and spent less than 3 months on Hawaii island. That was probably the cause and chance to get out of a vicious cycle.
He was as a husband who has truly kind and honest, but I couldn’t stand with it as a wife who was with diseases and completely useless, our life had been spoiled only by my diseases, I only gave him much worries instead anything. Then I asked him to a divorce.
After that, to being alone, wanted to cure my diseases, I chose to leave my hometown to live in the U.S., to face myself. Of course it’s needed much money to take treatment and make my life from when, but I spent all my savings for my life in the U.S.
That was easy to look back and put it into my letters what my experiences like this, but I was with extremely fearful and nervous about my decision, also my parents’ worried strongly.
I think to myself, it’s really reckless to live there avoiding any western medical treatment and with no other friends or helps, because It’s well known that rheumatism can’t be treated completely but it can be stable if it at an early stage and you taking care of it with western medical treatment.
My parents were really worried about me and it, I knew that but they well sent me off even in that situation.
Because they’ve been lived life in logically and steadily and having kinds of characters about over-protective and over-intervening.
To be exact telling my leaving, it was just like, I didn’t listen them and they couldn’t stop me.
A decision not to take rheumatic medicines was, to make a decision about whether or not to take the risk of its progression.
And, be required, that to spent money on the way you really wanted to do right now, then not regret it or not so.
Although my body really hurt, I did that. The reasons why were,
“Much desire to do that.”
“Couldn’t stand with avoid to do that.”
“Have no confidants about but feel that is right.”
Those were all about I thought on.
Now I think about that.
I realized it can be expressed like,
“Believe in myself.”
Or
“Be honest with the feeling that come out of inside of me.”
The thing I want to tell you the most in all of the things I’ve written so far, is that.
Sometimes it’s frustrated when cannot to act or just don’t know what to do.
It’s no matter how hard can it be or take so much time to do, however once you find the things that you really want to try. You can’t help but doing that.
Well, what I did may had been extreme a little bit anyway.
Just to know, it’s a result of your daily efforts which to be honest with yourself eventually lead you to believe in yourself, even if you don’t feel in a way that “I trust myself so much.”.
We tend to think that only ones is who having a time which something hard.
But the truth is every one of us having own hard time.
To believe in us and you, to that we are living with be helping each other though.
It’s not just like going up or going down,
No matter the ages, sexuality and nationality.
It’s just like we are all living life together.
So now, after I was returned hometown from U.S. how these belonging my three diseases become?
Bipolar disorder was cured it completely after quit taking medicines.
I was said to take hormonal drugs for control the low thyroid for the rest of my life, but when I stop taking that, my conditions went be stable and it was completely cured too.
After diagnosed it had been cured, I took a pics of thyroid gland. There were no evidences of anything what happened to my thyroid.
Rheumatism usually causes bone deformity with its progression, however it no happened to me, even the too much pains in my body were almost disappeared.
Only my body gets little hurts when I moved some its parts in a while.
Now I don’t rush and spending time with my own paces ‘cause rheumatism is not completely stable yet.
The wishing to cure the disease absolute is very important in the process of healing, but if you only accept 100 percent of good health even the aging will be the bad thing.
So, trying to find it out what something you feel just right.
Bipolar disorder is known to be difficult to cure and recur it easily. Low thyroid is said you must stay with it in a lifetime. Rheumatism, that’s well known that progress in any stage and never it’s cured.
But I think these are really curable.
Because I know someone who had been cured, or getting better and more stable ever they were.
No one knows that the commonly known we’ve thought and heard are truly it or not.
There is something right for someone but is not for you, also, something is not right for someone but for you.
No matter how many you were told, no matter how much you have learned, it never changes yourself until you realize it not only understanding knowledge, but to follow your feelings.
Even if it has been changed what the people who related to me or the places where I live, you surely feel something wrong if you focusing on the negativity all the time.
Just be relaxing it’s like, “well now I feel like that way” or “I may feel something different tomorrow”.
To keep facing yourself.
There’s sometimes your emotions its ups and downs but just staying with it, I think it cause to become trusting yourself, if you keep doing that.
