this is not a love

this is not a love

Oct.2nd

I really rest today. I slept well, cooked dinner for myself. Now I'm writing the cover letter which is really important for me to get a job in USA.

I am really confusing with my feeling about the man. I met him 1 month ago. we 've known each other because we've worked together before.
when we had a dinner together on Sep, I just wanted to ask his advices for me, but
we kissed that night. 1 week later, he asked to meet me again. i thought he just want a sex with me, but i said Okay. And we have sex once a week since then.

i felt that this relationship is like a sex-friend which is my first time.
i was kind of excited with this, but day by day, i may fall in love with him.
I know i shouldn't think this way.

I have my dreams, so i shouldn't go into this love.

Like a high school students

One of guys asks me to go to dinner,sometimes. He's married, but he maybe likes me.

He can't drink any alcohols at all. So i always drink alone which is something sad for me.

Also he doesn't touch with me at all, he never kissed me, never shaking hands with me.I think this is kind of affair, but he does not do anything to me, but date with me like high school student which is really pure.

Is it something strange? What's the purpose of him?

I am enjoying with this any way. And, I do not want anything to him.

Last Friday night.

Last Friday, i threw into the guy's arms by accident. I feel comfortable with holding him.
i know i should not think about him,because he has a girl friend, but i've been thinking about him since that. He was really gentle so that i could not kiss him. i wanted to do that.