18th of July 2020, a day where time stopped... not only for me but for many of us.
That day, I just finished eating my lunch and was lying on my bed as I browsed twitter when the news broke out. At first, I can't believe it until a breaking news video clip from a news totally made my world stop. I was so shocked that my mind went blank. I logged off twitter after a few minutes for I just want to take a breath.
A few hours has passed, my mind was still blank. At that moment, I don't feel anything. I'm not sad, I'm not crying, I'm not grieving, my mind is just blank.
Time had stopped for me at that very moment.
Days had passed and it felt that time is so slow.
I still stare aimlessly from time to time.
29th of September 2020
I had dreamt of going in front Haruma's home wherein I saw lots flowers. I offered my respects in front of it and looked at the sky afterwards.
The time that I had dreamed of offering my respects felt like surreal, as if I was really there in front of his home and offered prayers personally.
11 of March 2021
I had dreamed of Haruma. I won't forget that dream that I had.
"I was walking by and I saw a man in white whomst I thought looked familiar. As I approached the man that was sitting at the stairs reading a book. I went near him and asked "You are Mr. Haruma Miura, right?", he looked at me and smiled."
I won't forget how his bright smile flashed and then I opened my eyes and that's when I realized that I got teared up and that it was just a dream. I immediately tweeted that I had dreamed of you.
I just thought that maybe there is a meaning to his bright smile back then. Does it mean that you are happy? Or would it mean you want to free me/us of the worries and to live our lives the way it was before you died?
7th of July 2021
I had dreamed of you again, you smiled at me again.
Our dear Haruma wherever you are, you will always be remembered.
If you visiting my dream mean that you want me to live my life the usual again, don't worry for I am alright. Time might have stopped for that moment or time might have slowed down but I am alright. I am living and I have decided to live (though I don't know until when).
I am thankful for the things that you have left us. Your works will always be treasured -- it is a gift that you gave us and I sincerely thank you.
Words may not be enough and I hope my heartfelt feelings will reach you.
I hope we'll meet again in my dreams.