Rewrite of Beach Debut

It's getting so exciting to see that the more people are visiting my blog, the more I post !!

Thank you, everyone who visited here !

I'm really happy about that (*^o^*)

Well, one of my friends also visited my blog.

I was happy and a little bit nervous...because I knew there must be lots of errors in my texts.

At the same time I was so curious about what he thought about my blog that I asked him for some comments on my blog.

Then, he told me that it was interesting and English was almost alright.

( ↑He said something like that.. )

o(^▽^)o Wow, maybe my English has gottten better since I came to Hawaii?? , I thought.

However, he also said one more thing.

It was that "Beach Debut", one of my posts, was terrible and had a lot of errors or almost everything was mistaken.

（;´▽｀A`` Soudesuka...Gambarimasu....

That is why Im going to rewrite the post here.

Let me review each sentence and rewrite .

＊　Anybody who wants to save time, just read the whole rewritten version which is at the bottom of this post. ↓↓↓

Though I might have written here already, I have been here in Hawaii for almost 4 months.

At last, I went to the beach to swim with my boyfriend and his family (o^-')b

I think these are ok. So, I will just leave them as they are.

The beach I went is about 30 mins away from where I live next to kahara beach, which was full and no one could go in at the time.

Ummm....probably it doesn't make any sense......?

Ah, plus, one correction.

The beach was not next to Kahara beach but some other beach. (・・。)ゞ

How about this.

The beach next to *** was about 30 mins away from my place, and *** was too crowed to go in at the time.

Does it make sense???

First, we had spagetti for lunch, then went to the beach.

I found a spelling error in this sentence.

Spagetti has to be spaghetti, right?

Also, since we were already at the beach, I have to write "went to play"?

So, the correct sentence would be

First, we had spaghetti for lunch, then went to swim. .

Since the beach was private, not many people were there.

I think this is alright.

But waves were a kind of rough and there were no sand beach to lay down, so we didnt have anything to do but swiming.

One more spelling error. Not swiming but swimming.

You dont need to put "a" befire kind I think.

Waves were kind of rough and there was no sandy area to lay down, so we didnt have anything to do but swimimng.

What do you think?

Sounds better?

Anyway we enjoyed it.

No correction.

I played with a baseball bat shaped ballon, which were not supporsed to be used in water...but it was fine and helped me a lot.

I will change "were" between which and not to "was", and also change "supporsed" to "supposed".

I played with a baseball bat shaped ballon, which was not supposed to be used in water, but it was fine and helped me a lot.

Next,

I could experience riding a wave with it for the first time in my life.

Riding on the waves would be better...

I could experience riding on the waves useing it for the first time in my life.

It was very very exciting.

No correction.

I want to try it with a bodybord next time.

Umm, this is more like written in Japanese...

I'll make it simple.

I want to try bodyboarding next time.

Is this better?

Maybe it is the right way to ride a wave (・ω・)/

Oh, it's the same error as before.

I guess it's the right way to ride on the waves (・ω・)/

Also, it would be great if I can go diving or snorkeling.

I guess it's ok but,

Also, it would be great if I could go diving or snorkeling.

might be better.

We swam for about 2 hours. We were exhausted, so we went back and slept.......

It might be ok, too. but it doesn't sound natural.

We swam for about 2 hours. We were exhausted, so we went to sleep as soon as we got back .......

I'm not sure if my corrections are all good....

I added some more corrections and rewrote the whole text.

***** Rewrite *****

Though I might have written here already, I have been here in Hawaii for almost 4 months.

At last, I went to the beach to swim with my boyfriend and his family (o^-')b

The beach next to *** was about 30 mins away from my place, and *** was too crowed to go in at the time.

First, we had spaghetti for lunch, then went to play. .

Since the beach was private, not many people were there.

Waves were kind of rough and there was no sandy area, so we couldn't do anything like laying down or playing beachball. All we did was swim.

Anyway we enjoyed it.

I played with a baseball bat shaped ballon, which was not supposed to be used in water, but it was fine and helped me a lot in water.

I could experience riding on the waves for the first time in my life, using it.

It was very very exciting.

I want to try bodyboarding next time.

I guess it's the right way to ride on the waves (・ω・)/

Also, it would be great if I could go diving or snorkeling.

We swam for about 2 hours. We were exhausted, so we went to sleep as soon as we got back .......

**********

Does it make sense better than the original??

I will ask my friend.
Ahhh, tukareta. I'm off ヾ( ´ー｀)