struggle

I wish my dad was still around to set us all straight. Mostly to my brother...he is 30 years old already but growing toward a very bad road in his life. I always knew what kind of person he is...but as his little sister I have high hope to see him change for the better. Because people can change...I just can't believe how things turned out. Sure he used to be bad in high school and didn't graduate the same time as his peers. But seriously he's the smartest person I know.... it's his bad choices that screw him over. But he worked hard and manage to get his diploma later on. So yes I believe after through all that shit he put my parent through he has changed. Even with dad having a stroke, my brother finally manage to become another male figure in our life that we can depend on. He held us all together until my dad passed away. Now we start our new life without dad in a new state. All my brother does is go out...and he's becoming a really horrible person. I cried just thinking about it. Why he changed so much...was it because you felt like you have to many responsibility and now you feel like your free and can be your true self? Was this the kind of person you wanted to become. I really can't write what he did but it breaks my heart so much to think he coulda been lock up if it wasn't for my aunt help. Why must he do this to us and break my mom heart even more. Don't he know my mom love him the most as the only son, he should be bless and think of her. What drives me crazy is he been a monk for a whole month...after my dad passed away. The monk said he's so smart. Didn't Buddha not guide you...I don't know but sometime I have thought of being a monk myself and get away from this world...
Then I don't have to think so much and be worry all the damn time about how I can continue on living.