最近の大きな問題は、親が携帯・スマホいじりやお喋りに熱中し子供の躾をすべき姿でやる“暇”が無いことだと思う。きちんとした躾は時間も労力もかかる。昔はそれに集中できる環境にあったというのもそうだし、それを社会がサポートする形であった。これはあくまでの私の見解であるが、最近は親が自分の事に忙しく子育てが二の次三の次になっているように見える。そういうには理由がある。一番悲しく思うのが、外を歩いているときに子供を連れて外出しているのにスマホを見ながら歩いている親が居ることだ。その間、当然子供は親の注意外に居ることになる。恐ろしいことだ。抱っこをしている子供も、親の関心がその瞬間に自分に無いことを察知している。だからぐずったりもする。親の関心から外れた子供はやりたい放題をする。親は怒るがスマホに夢中だから端的に怒る。野放しか叩くかという結果に至る。親御さんに言わせると色々理由があるようだが、私の母は当たり前のように子供ができたら全ての物事の優先順位の一番上にくるのは子供だと言っていた。そんな母だったからこそ、アル中の父親の専制政治の元でもなんとか大人になれたのであろう。
The big problem on discipline now a days is, there is not time for parents to take good care of their children because they are so busy checking out their mobile equipments or chatting. It takes time and effort to carry out appropriate discipline. There used to be good environments that the parents can concentrate on it, and the communities supported that in the old days. As usual, this is purely and simply my personal opinion, but it seems to my eyes that the parenting comes to the second or third of parents’ “must do” priorities, or could say “have to do” rather reluctantly. There of course are reasons I say so. The saddest thing is, there are so many mothers and fathers keep looking at mobiles while they are walking along with their children. Naturally, the children are out of their attention while they are using those. It is scary. Even a child or a baby in the mother’s arms knows her attention is not on herself/himself. Then of course the poor kid would starts crying or grumbling. Children out of parents’ attention would do anything trying to bring back the parents’ interests. But the parents who want continue what they are doing on the mobiles they just get mad without appropriate explanations. As a consequence, it would be “pasturing” or being hit for the children. It seems like there a lot of “reasons” for the parents, but for example, my mother used to say children are the first priority once you get them. I think, at least, I could be a grown up somehow even growing up under the alcoholic father’s autocracy because such mother brought me up.
少し道は外れるかもしれないがここで違う側面から躾について考えてみたい。携帯やスマホもPCも無かったしテレビでさえ内容が限られており録画する事もできなかった我々の時代は、先に書いたように親が子供と居る時間が長かった。だから良く観察もする。ただ、我々の時代には今やっと明らかになりつつある一般的に知られていた身体的疾患や毛嫌いされてきた精神疾患の間のような位置づけになるであろう目に見えにくい表現しにくい“疾患”について一般的には全く知られていなかった。発達障害やそれに近いものだ。自閉症は知られていても、自閉症スペクトラムという範囲になると今やっと話され始めているところだ。日本は特にこの分野に関しては遅れている。こういった物事に目を背けようとする国民性だろうか。
Allow me to talk about “discipline” from the different aspect. Parents (or I should say mothers) spent much more time with their children in my generation which did not have mobile or smart phones, PCs, and TV with limited programmes without recording functions. Naturally then, those grownups observed their children well. However, there were almost no awareness on those mental or some kind of physical problems Japanese people try not to admit such as “disabilities/difficulties/differences” which just started to be known very recently. Although autism has been known for some time, when it comes to “autism spectrum”, it just started to talk about. Japan is really behind on these kinds of things. Probably it is very “Japanese” try to ignore or not to admit those kinds of things.
なぜこの項でこれを引き合いに出してきたかと言えば、この発達相違・障害やそれに似たものの場合、躾をするのがとても大変であったり普通とは異なる手段をとらねばならないからだ。それは子供がそうであった場合だが、昨今は親もそうである（発達障害である）場合が少なくない。しかもその本人達、そして彼らの親もそれを認識していない場合がほとんどであると思う。数値を調べたわけではないのでなんとも言えぬが、先だって友人と話している時、明らかに「これは性格だとかそういう問題ではないレベル」と思う数が増えているという話題になった。それが、以前は“発達相違・障害”という認識がなく今になって浮上してきたのか、実質的な数が増えているのかは定かでないが、自分達の周囲でその数は明らかに増えているという話をした。私の個人的な意見では、実質的な数が増えているのだと思う。それなのにそれに対する認識と対処が遅れているがために言葉は乱暴だが“野放し”の状態になってしまっていて、子供を含む本人も周囲をとりまく人々も苦しい思いをしているということだ。
The reason why I brought up discipline and developmental disabilities/difficulties/ differences together is, it is rather hard or have to look for some other ways than regular situation to discipline children who have that. Basically it is when children have that problem, but often parents are as well now-a-days. And, they (parents with differences) and their parents are not aware of that matter most of the time. The other day, I was talking to one of my friends, and we agreed that the number of people who carry the problem which cannot explain just saying “it’s the person’s character” is increasing dramatically though we cannot tell with numbers because we have not checked it. One of the talking points was, we feel like it is increasing though we are not sure it is because; the symptoms of development disabilities/difficulties/differences are started generally recognised, or practical numbers are actually increasing. My personal opinion is, the number is actually increasing. It is rather brutal expression, but the situation is pandemonium because the awareness and providing countermeasures are so behind of the circumstance, and making both children/adults who have differences and people around them suffered.
この場合、ただ単に躾云々で済まされる問題ではない。多くの場合家族ぐるみでの取り組みが必要だ。それなのに、皆さん個々にスマホやPCで忙しいものだから見る見る間に状況は悪化していく。
Under this circumstance, it is not just discipline question. Most of the time, the whole family’s support is required. But the reality is, many of them are so busy checking their smart phones or PCs, and the situation is getting worse day by day.
なぜ躾が必要とされているか、根本に戻って考えてみたらどうだろうか。なぜ社会にルールが必要か。なぜそれを守るように躾が必要か。その躾をするにあたって、なぜ毎日の家庭の中での営みという細かい部分から躾（私はある意味の“訓練”だと思う）が必要か。
I just hope people re-think about the foundation of why discipline is required. Why the society requires rules? Why being disciplined is necessary to keep those rules? Why discipline (or I would say “training”) with or in little things like everyday scheme in each family?
親が苦労して子供を正しく躾けるのは、親が人間として成長する良い機会であり、子供はきちんと年齢に見合った躾けをされることで、社会に出てからそれに感謝する時が来るであろう。
It is a good opportunity for parents to learn and grow as good persons to make efforts to take good care of their children, and the children will feel something or thankful as they go out to the world being disciplined appropriate level as they grow up.
最近はそういう我々の時代においては当たり前であった習慣が、すっかり失われている。時代が変わったからそれで良いわけではないと私は思うのだが。そうなってしまった理由の一つに、この頃の人達には想像力が無いという事がかかわっているように思う。これは一部では良く言われることだ。躾には忍耐力が必要だ。教えて怒ってすぐに結果が出るわけではない。それは子供の行動上だけでなく、彼らが躾けられた事や怒られた事の意味を実感する時がかなり後になってやってくるという事だ。ある意味では、どう注意したら、どう怒ったら、この子は20年後に立派な大人になってくれるかと想定して躾けなければいけないと思うのだが、今時の人達は多くは親本人の感情の思うままに爆発してしまったり、或いは逆に親本人が面倒くさいからほっておくような状態が多いと思う。或いは、親本人がそれを注意しなければいけない状況だと認識していない場合さえも多い。
Such good general habit of our generation has been lost now. I think it is not the question just because it is different era. One of the reasons why it turned to be so is, I think it is related to the matter people now-a-days lost their imagination. Probably many people have heard such saying. You need to be patient to discipline somebody else. You cannot expect to see the result on the spot you teach or scold. Not on just children’s spontaneous behaviour (because often they “pretend” to protect themselves), because it will take quite long time that they realise real meaning of being disciplined, being supervised, and being scolded. Which means; parents must behave imagining, for example, 20 years later who it will effect to their children. But for my eyes, it looks many parents (or other children’s supervisors) just blow up their feelings, or on the other hand, they just give up supervising because it is too much trouble because grownups are not grew up appropriately. Or, I think often they (parents or children’s supervisors) are not aware it is the situation they need to talk to or scold.
元々大変なものを将来を想像して行っていかなければいけない。ましてやそれが何がしかの困難をかかえている親と子であったら、その苦労は想像を越えるものだ。ただ、それをしたとしないとでは後の結果が雲泥の差となる。なので目を背けないで欲しい。面倒くさがらないで欲しい。親が発達相違の場合、子が発達相違の場合、或いは両方が発達相違を持っている場合、これらの場合は子が若いうちに兎に角状況を年齢なりに理解させてあげてその相違が出ている部分を工夫で補ってあげるサポートを是非大人たちがしてあげて欲しい。子供が成長したら、相違のある子でも何がしかの手段を探せば必ず理解できる方法があるはずなので、その“工夫”を自分からできるように手助けしてあげて欲しい。
Taking care of children itself is hard enough, and on top of that, have to do that imagining the future. And if it is for parents and child/children with some kind of difficulties, it must be harder than the others can imagine. But there will be a word of difference on the child/children’s future if you make that effort or not. I just hope people would not ignore or look away the matter of fact, or give up. Under the situations that parents have development differences, child/children have the problems, or both of them have those; whatever the situation is, I hope somebody or society would try to let the children understand the situation when they are young (younger is better though it is harder) to the level they understand, search and support them to find the way to cover/support the point(s) those children are suffering from difference from the other children. Most of the time they would understand as they grow up if you are patient and they can survive in the society with finding “some way”, so hope grownups around those children support them to be able to find the “some way” by themselves in the future.
先ずは発達相違・障害がある事を認識すること。そしてそれに適した躾けを見つけ実行すること。何度も書くが、大変な事だ。ただこれをするとしないとでは子の将来だけでなく、親にとってもまた子が社会に出てからかかわる周囲の人達にとっても大きな差をもたらす。是非、面と向き合ってみて欲しい。
Awareness is the first step that you appropriately recognise you or your child/children (or sometimes it could be; your parents, your partner) have developmental disabilities/difficulties/differences. And find the way to discipline effectively, and carry it out. I repeat this; it is hard. But there will be a huge difference in the future for not only child/children but also parents and people around in the society. So hope people face it sincerely.
そして、当然の事ながら相違や障害がなくても…と言うより、無い人はもっとしっかり躾けてあげて頂きたい。相違や障害がある子が愛情を持って育てられて社会に出る時成功例の多くは何かの“専門家”になっていると感じる。余談ではあるが、逆に相違や障碍が無くかつ愛情を持って育てられた人が社会に出た時には、リーダーになる可能性が大だとこれも全くの個人の見解だがそう感じる。いずれにせよ社会に出なければ生きていけない。その時に、子供の時にきちんと“正しい形”で躾けられていれば本人も周囲も平和なのだ。
And those who have sound body and mind hope they support and discipline those. I think and probably it is true that many of those outstanding experts for something have differences and difficulties but taken very good care by their family, friends and surroundings, and they succeed as they going out to the world. Although it is out of the course and again it is my personal opinion, I think those who have no problems and were taken good care by family and grownups surrounded, they become good leaders as they grow up and go out to the society. Go back to the subject; people have to go out to the society at some point in their life. Then, both a person and people around will be happy if the person is appropriately disciplined.