if i am not wrong, 2018 started unhappily either.
and 2019 is same
before i felt like sort of small stone comes through my heart. this feeling was rarely, but not i feel it often
this week was sort of sad also.
i do not know that affects to me more even. is it relationship with people? my workplace? people around me? or people who i love?
but looking at all things that happened for last month, it cant, well...
in the morning, when i ride on the bus to the workplace, one old man sat nearby me. firstly he asked time, and then he started to tell me his life.
i am sad every morning and he added sadness to my morning, sigh
in the end, he even cried and, and i never felt such kind of pity to a person who tells me about his life.
he told about his life, grandsons, son, he even gave me advice : do not trust people, even to your husband. you should have secrets.
just even the weather is so sad around. so gray, so deplorable
on Saturday we went to our grannies and i felt tears in my eyes
when we did ride on tram people inside and who walked outside looked so common, like abstract shadows on the canvas. they were gray like a sky
my grannies are so small and
you know, it was so touching when grandfather offered to drink rowanberry juice with own alc
i can not describe how heart squeezed because of thought that time passed quickly and we are old and did so little bit.
how things around got older, dusty
and neighbors and their children who we played every summer, they changed so much.
and i feel like i force myself to not grow up and live in the past.
that's why i don't want to grow up. it scares, i don't want to see the world in gray colour, i am crying to see how world changes
i do not want to leave my past and i suffer because my eyes change my mind in this side
damn heavy to my heart
maybe thats why i feel that stone even more than before?
i regret that i said him these words, i regret i said it so early...
-kahara