I am poor at work. I boldly and blatantly declare that. I suck at it so bad that everyone else around me hates me. If a job interviewer were to ask me what is my good skill, then I would proudly say I am excellent at getting colleagues and bosses constantly angry and hate me. I used to feel bad and guilty about it, but I don't anymore because I destroyed my health. Who gives a fuck about those who don't give a fuck about me?
Many of you might think I am just lazy, but I am not. Otherwise who in the hell can go overseas and get a doctoral degree in physics? You gotta work hard at least 10 times more than ordinary people to achieve that.
But my stress that accumulated in me over long time finally crashed an earthquake and destroyed my health. Then I got lost in the world.
People love to put labels on others. But you know, human beings is not a travel luggage or a shipment box.
I wanna hear from someone saying "Your blog sucks!". Because that's my whole purpose and challenge: to make as sucky blog as human being can generate.
My back hurts so bad that it wakes me up in the middle of night. I feel like a total crap. I am sleepy, but I can't sleep which makes me nuts. But I can't get mad at anyone because it is my body doing this shit to me. I feel so miserable and crying... All I want to do is to sleep sound just like anyone can do easily, and have an ordinary life. Why such easy thing is soo hard for me??... It's abad cycle that I can't get out. My back pain hinders from sleeping well, which in turn worsen my back pain. I take tons of pain medication and antidepressant, which barely keeps me going. No one would want to have a life like me, because everyday is a torture, which other people don't or can't understand. I sometimes even wish that if I died I would be relieved from this agonizing hell. Haaa, I need help, and I need it so bad, but my scream can't be heard from no one...
I have an account on facebook for some time, and I learnd to find that it is just never-met net strangers get together and and talk about meaningless crap about their life. I get annoyed when someone won Mafia wars and announce his victories to everyone. What that fuck does it have something doing with me? I started losing interest a great deal because noone wants to express their true feeling. All they talk about is nice things about life which I have absolutely nothing doing with me. Go fuck themselves.